Your wings around me

Your hands around me.

The Naked, Imperfect me.

I have this image in mind when I was worshiping God in church and I decided to draw it out.

I never knew I love drawing this much. 

I mean, yes, when I was younger I do draw, but I don't recall people praising me or anything. I just remember my dad once said my drawing was childish. Haha!

Yes, I don't really draw perfect drawings. But I just love to draw and sketch what is in my mind.

There's this saying that a picture speaks a thousand words. Maybe that's the reason I love drawing so much.

I can never describe in words how safe I feel in the presence of God. 

So I draw.

I don't think my drawings are perfect. But perfection is overrated. Don't you think ?

If I keep only do something because I can do it perfectly, then I will never ever dare to step out and try new things.

Fear of comments and criticism has stopped me from many things.

I'm learning to face it and not let it stop me!

I don't think fear can be totally eliminated from life, but I think we should just learn to live with it.

Love,

Constance

November, December and rest of the winter

I love this song so much it repeats itself in my mind every single day.

Calender Girl by Star

If I am lost for a day;try to find me

But if I don't come back, then I won't look behind me

All of the things that I thought were so easy

Just got harder and harder each day

December is darkest and June is the light 

but this empty bedroom won't make anything right

While out on the landing a friend I forgot to send home

Who waits up for me all through the night

Calendar girl who's in love with the world Stay alive

Calendar Girl who's in love with the world Stay alive

I dreamed I was dying; as I so often do

And when I awoke I was sure it was true

I ran to the window; threw my head to the sky

And said whoever is up there,please don't let me die

But I can't live forever,I can't always be

One day I'll be sand on a beach by a sea

The pages keep turning, I'll mark off each day with a cross

And I'll laugh about all that we've lost

Calendar Girl who is lost to the world

Stay Alive

Calendar Girl who is lost to the world Stay Alive

January, February, March, April, May 

I'm alive

June, July, August, September,October 

I'm alive

November, December, you all through the winter

I'm alive

I'm alive

Cycles

Sometimes I go through seasons in life that seems to be repeating itself.

I wonder why it happens all the time and I just drag myself through it.

But after having some thoughts on it, I think God is behind all of it.

He reveals to me things about me that I never knew

He bring thing up that I thought no longer exist.

He showed me what is there all along but I'm too blind to see it

 my past hurts, crooked past, masks and secrets.

There's so much more in me that God need to work with. And I thank God that He is there and always available for me when I need help.

Until the "I" in me is taken away, I'm sure the cycle will repeat and repeat again.

Because God will not give up on me!

I'm His daughter.

Love,

Constance

A bad hair dream

You know you are too obsess about something when you started to dream about it.

 

I've been thinking about cutting my hair short for so long, I think I become a little bit obsess about it.

I had this dream, NO! I think the more appropriate word is "nightmare".

I had this nightmare where I came to my limit and could not take it anymore. At that moment, I decided to cut my hair by MYSELF!

And man, I'm not good in styling my hair in reality or in dream. Because the outcome of my "brave" move was disaster! My hair (in my dream nightmare) became like this!

No fridge in front

weird shape at the back

I tell you (and I'm not lying) when I woke up from that dream nightmare, the first thing I do is touch my hair to make sure is still there and long. ><

What a nightmare!

But I really can't wait to get my hair cut! Maybe next month! hehe

Love,

Constance

Let's talk about my JOB

Started my new job about 2 months ago. Within this period of time, there's so much to learn and observe. I got to know more in details what is expected from me and I've learn to blend into this new working environment.

Here are the few things I like about my current job.

Location

My office is super duper near my house. Is around 5 minutes driving distance if I don't need to drop-off my sister. So I drive back to my house to have lunch every single day. Although some might say is a waste of petrol (and petrol price increased already), but is still cheaper than eating outside. My colleague did ask me to heat up my food in the office (yes! we can cook simple food in the office!) but I don't want to due to hygiene purposes.


If you know what I mean.

Working Hours

I work from 8:30 a.m. till 5:00 p.m. from Monday to Friday. Is shorter compared to my previous companies. And I seldom need to work over time and that's a big plus for me cause I still have time to jog, cook and rest before going to church meetings at 8.00 p.m.

  

Environment

I love the working environment here because is both relaxing and private. As an introvert, I need my own space from time to time. Sometimes I just want to hide in my own little world and be quiet with my thoughts. And I can do that here! No one will mind my business as long as I gets my job done!

Attire

I HATE wearing formal! I hate it so much until I refuse to get more of it even though I need to wear formal in my previous company. I only got more because my mom was nagging me about it. >< But now, I can wear t-shirts and jeans to work. I can put on my comfy puma and don't need to have those awkward moments where I need to change to heels when there's clients. XD

Culture

My past working experience are gained from corporate world. I hated it so much because to me, I felt meaningless. Some people find their fulfilment from working in the corporate world but I'm not one of them. So when I come to this company, I have a cultural shock! The company is so Christ cantered. We have devotion and prayer meeting every week! I love it so much!

Opportunities

My head of department gives me a lot of opportunities based on what she observed from me. Big yeah to that! Looking forward to it!

Although there's some bump along the way but I really like my job here.

Meaningful, flexible and comfortable.

Love,

Constance

My confession

I started my new job with a dream. A dream that I can have a fix income and a fix not-so-long working hours while still doing what I LOVE to do, e.g: blogging and drawing. But as perfect as the plan may seems, it did not worked out accordingly.

I started working in my current company a month ago. Although my working hours are shorter now, but somehow my body is constantly tired. YES! Constantly! And is not like I sleep at 3 a.m and wake up at 7 a.m.! Most of the time I sleep before 12 a.m. and wakes up around 7:30 a.m but my body is still tired. I tried setting my alarm to ring for 4-6 times from 5:30 a.m. till 7 a.m. and I still can't wake up until my sister wakes me up!

Honestly speaking, I hate myself for this. And when I'm not doing what I planned to do, I forget why I choose this job and I eventually lost my direction in life. And when that happens, I struggle with my own identity. >< Things got worst when I'm surrounded with younger people who are on fire for God and passionate for life. I looked at myself, I feel super useless and I become emo.  And I became like a zombie.

But I thank God for His plan. I think God knew this was coming and He prepared for me my sister, a book and a role model that helped me through. 

My sister reminded me why I choose this path.

The book that was on my table for weeks suddenly became appealing to me and the content speaks into my heart at the right timing.

And a role model that I admire. Who is living her dreams with bravery, courage and love. She inspires me.

I said this before, but now I add-on to it.

If man did not plan it, GOD did. And if man did plan it, it is God inspired.

So I thank God with all my heart and soul. But that's not enough. Because the one that should put in effort is me. No matter how badly God wants me to be successful and live out my dream and His destiny for me (which He does), I have to do something before anything can happen.

I got to stop watching meaningless shows with my sister. Stop wasting time watching useless youtube videos and playing iPhone games. Stop hitting snooze when I should get up and have my daily manna (the Word of God). Stop PROCRASTINATING!

And start taking time to read more, write more, draw more and spend more time with God.

But who am I fooling other than myself? I lost that fire to snatch back what the devil had stolen from me. I'm so used to the life right now, is just good enough for me already. My fear had come to past. I lost that fire, that passion and settled for good enough. 

I always thought being comfortable with good enough is scary. But now I realize that knowing where you want to go but too lazy to move is even more scarier! The harsh reality of life have taken over me.

The answer to why I've become like this hits me today. Because I want it now and I want it for myself. God in His almighty power can give it to me instantly, but this is not how He rolls. He is more interested in my character than what I want. And as fierce as He can be, He gently reminds me that "Is not about you."

So now, I shall push myself to do and enjoy what I love to do with the hope that it will be a blessing to someone. Even that person might be myself.

I don't want just slide through my life with a good enough career and a daily routine of cooking dinner or making fruit juice.

Because I want something more in life, a life that is more meaningful, a life that is a blessing to others and a life that is a testimony of God's loves and a reflection of God's glory.

I want MORE!

Love,

Constance

Have it short

Is the battle of my life AGAIN!

To keep it long or cut it short.

I only had long hair once and it was years ago.

During my secondary school days.

And when I join University, I decided to cut it short.

And since then, my hair gets shorter and shorter and shorter.

This is the evolution of my hair:: 

Now, I'm on the impossible mission of keeping my hair long AGAIN.

 

But the current length is a bit frustrating.

My hair curls up and it looks disgusting.

Not forgetting the constant need of picking up hair on the floor.

To be honest, I'm a bit frustrated and impatient about this.

*Believe it or not, I have to constantly sweep away my hair from the table while drawing this*

 

So I decided to cut my hair SHORT!

in the near future... hahahaha

Since I look good in BOTH long and short hair! XD

Love,

The constantly in battle Constance

 

Things about me #2: Motivation Songs

There are times when I'm just too emo.

 

Sometimes I forget the reason behind the decision made months ago.

 

Sometimes I forget what I'm doing and where I'm heading.

 

Sometimes I lost sight of the future.

 

Sometimes I forget my dreams and vision.

 

Sometimes I lose my motivation and fire.

 

Sometimes people like to pour cold water into what I'm doing.

 

Sometimes people say thing not knowing how much it hurts.

 

Sometimes I just need some motivation songs to pump up my mood!

 

Therefore, let me present to you

*drumrolls*

 

My top 3 motivation songs:

 

This one motivates me to step out of my comfort zone

 

This one gives me motivation and make me feel passionate

 

This one reminds me that I'm living for God and sometimes I just need to ignore what people say.

 

Hope you like these songs too!

 

Love,

Constance



Truth or lies

Talked to someone the other day and found out something that I never thought happened.

Is not the first time I heard about it, but I guessed I refused to believe what was told.

Does it affect me?
Yes. In a way it does.

Does it make a very big difference knowing the truth?
I don't know.

I've been thinking about it for a while already.

Although is not a bad thing, but is still a lie.

The thing that matters now is not about the lie anymore.
But how will I react towards it.

Honestly speaking, I'm pretty neutral about it.

At the end of the day. I spoke the truth, and they have to answer to God.

Period.

Screw your beautifully wrapped lies and hand me the ugly truth!

Truths are ugly because they are hidden. If they were never in the dark before, it won't be ugly at all. But more beautiful than the welly wrapped lies. #justsaying

Love,
Constance