Short again

Tuesday, July 29, 2014



Read: Ah Boy~ Let me over.

Read: Handsome

Read: What happen to you

If you follow me on my social media, you would have know by now that I've gotten a hair cut again!

This time is shorter and I got it colored as well!!!

I super duper love my new look!
But some good intention strangers will mistaken me as a boy. (Small boobs contribute to that as well)
Some who have taste *ahem* appreciate my new look. My HOD even asked me to pierce my ear. XD
And some, are just too... ... ... *speechless*

Anyhow, I love my hair!
Though I just got this look 3 weeks ago, I kinna feel is getting too long already!


---



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Oh! Bye!

Sunday, July 27, 2014


hello and goodbye

I hate making friends.

Yup. You read it correctly. 

I hate making friends.

Like any other relationships, making friends requires time and efforts.
And like any other relationship, it does not guarantee a return but subject to hurts and disappointments; sometimes back stabbing and also betrayal. But that's another story to tell.

I learned it the hard way that friends no matter how good they are, are not perfect.
Some way or another, they will do something to hurt you and your heart will bleed like crazy.
Though I've been saying recently, we do not have to care what is outside of our control because is outside of our control. 
But I got to admit this time, it hurts.

I don't really make friends. I mean real friends.
I'm good in saying hi(s) and bye(s).
But when it comes to real genuine friendship I'm an idiot.
Because I'm afraid of getting hurt and I do not want to waste my time (aka life) on people who will even leave me.

But when I do open up my life, I OPEN UP my life.
I share thoughts, past and dreams.
I spend time and put in the effort to make things work out.
I don't mind giving and not receiving.
What I mind is my heart getting hurt.

More than one month ago, I started being very close to one of my colleagues (Let's call her RG).
She's super funny and I like to tease her.
She shared her story and I shared my life.
I was super excited about us and what's ahead of this friendship.
What I didn't expect is a big bomb from her.

Few days ago when we celebrated July's babies birthday at the office, the HOD announced that RG tendered her resignation letter and will be leaving end of this month.
When we heard it, we were all shocked! None of us knew about it.

Of course she gave her explanation saying that she did not want us to react the way we did and she do not want to affect her work on our company's big event last weekend.

Though I understand where she comes from, but to me it was all bullshit.
The fact that she kept it a secret snatched away any chance we could have to spend more time with her.
And no matter when she breaks the news to us, we will still give the same reaction.

The most ironic part is that morning itself she told me she will still be here next year for our company's big event. I couldn't have felt more cheated and lied to.

She totally reminds me why I hate making new friends.
Because I hate bye(s).
Some people even leave without saying goodbye.

But I guess God wants me to learn something.
No matter what, every relationship will have its risk.
The question is, will you take it or not?

But thank God that in all that might happen in a relationship, He will never change.
Though people come and go, He will never leave.

---



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Poops and pees

Friday, July 25, 2014


If you missed out my 2 cents on my Vietnam trip, you can read it here.


Though this post is also about my Vietnam trip, but is more on what happened during the trip and what I discovered about myself. XD

I went to Vietnam to work. I need to be with people almost 24/7.
Which is not something good for me because I need my occasional alone time to recharge myself and to gain some energy back.
If I don't do so, I most probably will burst out of tiredness or anger or frustration or irritation.

During this trip my me-time is literally my bathing and toilet time.
Other than that I'm accompanied by someone or I'm accompanying someone.

And for some sort of reason I was able to be the joker throughout the trip.
I surprise myself by talking to the same few people for hours.
I surprise myself by telling them super personal things.
And that's not all...

You see, I'm a person that loves to hold on to my reputation.
I can joke to you about myself but I do not like it when others joke about me.
I will feel offended and the person will be literally dead to me.

But this is what happened.
During the trip, I shared lots of things to my roommates.
I even tell them things like "No! I wake up earlier than you! Is just that after I poo poo I went back to sleep!"
Or things like "I want to pee pee ar~~~~"

Basically, there's lot of poos and pees in our conversations.
They find it funny and I find it breaking the ice. 
Is a win-win situation.

Then during our last dinner in Vietnam we played the game "pass the message" where you pass a message around and see what the message turns out to be after it is passed around.
And who else but my roommate to think of a message to kick start the game.
And out of everything in the whole wide world, she chooses to pass around this message.
"Shu Qing wakes up at 5am everyday in Vietnam to poo poo."

>< 

When the message passed to me, I have this urge to put on a black face.
But somehow I didn't. I laughed, make a joke out of it and passed the message.

I don't know, but some might think that is disgusting to talk or joke about things like this.
But it doesn't really matter to me anymore.
 Because it doesn't matter.

Though sometimes I still feel offended for different reasons, but we're working on it right now.

I keep reminding myself that my reputation is not mine.
Because I can't control what other thinks of me and I think is safe to say that everyone thinks differently.

So I'm learning to say bye-bye to that and just enjoy being me.

---



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Is my dream story again

Wednesday, July 23, 2014


Sometimes you dream dreams that you won't remember once you are awake.

But sometimes you dream dreams that haunt you for a while and make you think for a bit.

Something had been going around my mind for the past month.
And I have decided if THAT ever happen, I will be bold and tell the truth.

Easy to say, hard to do.

Even though it took place in my dream, but it felt very real to me.
I was cautiously avoiding telling the truth when confronted.

I was afraid.
I panicked.

This got me thinking.

What changed?
What makes me afraid now?
Why am I not bold anymore?

Then I realized I've drifted away.
My focus was no longer on HIM but the demands around me.
Work, people, commitments, rejections and misunderstandings.

I got to keep reminding myself...

No matter what happen in the future, He is in control.
No matter what others said about me, He is the only one that matters.
No matter how others misunderstand me, He is the one I should please.
No matter what needed to be given up, He is more than enough for me.

My reputation is not mine. Is His.


A glimpse of a star

Monday, July 21, 2014


I love how bold he is.
I love how honest he is.
I love how he show to the world who he believe in.
I love how he dress up intentionally.


I love his story.
Most of all, I love the glory of God shined through Him.

Still on holiday mood

Saturday, July 19, 2014


blink eye

Yup!!! I went and came back from Vietnam and Thailand.

I'm still on my holiday mood and the busyness of my work is making everything worst.

But with what had happened recently, I'm grateful that I'm safe and still in one piece.

Life is so fragile.

I'll never take any safe flight for granted anymore.

One more trip and July will end well.


I still wanna see

Thursday, July 17, 2014


I always feel great after a trip to the rural area.
I feel good not because I think myself better than them, but because they showed me how simple life can be.

Somehow for some unknown reason, my recent trip to Vietnam did not have the same effect on me.
I did not feel "better", in fact I did not really feel anything but tired after the whole trip.
But one thought is stuck in my head ever since.

We evaluate other's lack by our own abundance.

Think about it for a while.

If we did not have a "better" education, we would not think that those who do not go to school are unfortunate.
If we did not have a "better" road, we would not think that muddy road is a problem.
If we did not have a "better" transportation, riding a motorcycle around the mountains doesn't seem like a bad idea at all.
If we did not have "better" electronics, a fan under the hot hot sun is sufficient enough.
If we did not have "better" food, a life without candy and junk food is still a good life.

I'm not saying we shouldn't help those in need. But I'm just thinking, what is really "better"?

Every time we go to places like this, we all bring candies and junk food to the children.
Of course they are happy and they had a lot of fun, but then what happen next?


When I saw the amount of rubbish on the grass, I thought to myself  'this is what we bring to every visit'.

I'm not saying that we shouldn't help those who are in lack.
And I'm definitely not saying that we shouldn't strive for a better life.

But I'm just thinking, what is really "better"?

To help them to have the "standard of living" as we have?
But wait a minute, in our abundance we are in lack as well.

We have abundance of candies and chocolate, but many are in lack in their health.
We have abundance schools and education center, but many make use of it to earn money.
We have abundance of technology that connect us, but how many of us are really connected through it?
We have abundance of concrete building and houses, but we have exchange the health of mother earth for it.

Look at this.



Don't you think there is a "side effect" in our abundance?
And if we give to others what we have carelessly, aren't we bringing them the "side effects" as well?

I still wanna see the ducks quacking and the grass green.


I still wanna see the buffalo staring at me.


I still wanna keep the pure heart of these children.



Shhhhhh~

Tuesday, July 15, 2014


The other day I told Lok Hor Yan that most of my friends from secondary school said that I have bad temper and she gave me the most amazing respond.

"That means you are real to everybody lo!"
:]

Yes! I'm real to everybody!
Hahahahaha!

I know last time I like to scold certain people and when I'm offended, I'm very vocal about it.
I don't really remember, but I think there are times I got angry because people say things like "Aiya~ She behave like that because she's the principal daughter."

So let me make things clear, I acted like that not because I was the principal's daughter.
I just genuinely have very bad temper! XD
And most of the time, people missed the point why I was pissed at the first place.
And that make me even more pissed! :p

But I think things have changed. I think la.
I learned it the hard way that I don't have to say everything that's in my mind.
And now most of the time I just keep quiet.

It took me a while and I came to a conclusion that I sucks in confronting others about my feelings.
So I put on a tough face to protect myself instead.

Most people think that I'm being proud when I keep quiet and ignore them. But the truth is, I'm not (most of the time). I just do not know how express my feelings and let the person know that he or she had hurt my feelings or let them know I felt offended (quoting my colleague). And so I give a cold shoulder instead.

Hazel once shared that there are 2 types of people. One is like aggressive, they like to confront people. The other is passive, they need their space when something happened. I'm the later one when it comes to my emotional and feelings.

Don't know how to express my feeling is one of the factor. On top of that, I do not want to express myself wrongly and cause a deeper misunderstanding. Besides, running away save myself from any potential hurts.

Oyan say is not healthy.
Because I hide my feelings too well and people will not notice it.
And when I finally burst, they will got shock and misunderstand me.
And when people misunderstand me without understanding the situation first, I will not take the initiative to explain myself.
Because to me if you have chosen to "judge" before understanding, there's really no point for me to explain myself. It will look like I'm trying to find excuses and blame other people when I'm not.

Trust me, it happened.
And I really did not explain myself. Oyan did that for me. XD
Kesian her to have a friend like me lar~

I'm kinna weird isn't it?
When I shared this to my colleague, she said she wanna do a thesis about me cause she find it to strange to have this sort of mentality.

Well, misunderstanding or not is pretty much out of my control la.
If you wanna judge me then judge lo!
I don't mind. Because I live for the ultimate judge. (Don't read it to the other extreme)


Take it or leave it

Sunday, July 13, 2014


Do I look good without specs?

No? Ok ok. Let me find my specs.

There they are.

How? Do I look better with specs?

I do?! Owh~ You are just being kind.

Wait a second... why are you being so nice to me?

It might be a trap!

Then it means I don't look pretty with specs lo. 

Nevermind! I shall just smile! They say smile is the best accessory one can have. 

Too fake d! Must be genuine a bit.

Or maybe I should act cute!

Better?

Haih... You know what forget about it.

I don't care!

This is me, take it or leave it!

Oh well, no one wanna take it.


Embrace yourself

Friday, July 11, 2014


When I went back to my hometown for my dad's retirement, I dug out my old diary to read.

The content of my diary was super duper lame.
It always revolve around certain group of people who clearly didn't click with me.
But I was too blind to see that previously and chased after them.

I think I wanted to be one of the cool kids instead of being "the principal's daughter".

I realized while "chasing" after them I've missed out a lot of things.
Friends that genuinely cared for me, things I would have enjoyed and memories that I could have had.

All these are lost just because I constantly compare myself to others and judge myself according to what other said or think about me.

My self-esteem depended upon others.

I told my sister the other day, if I wish I can go back in time and talk some sense to the old me.

So if one day time machine is real this is what I'll tell me.

Dear Shu Qing,

Hi! My name is Constance and I'm the future you. This might sound weird, but trust me it will help us a lot. Because I've been through what you've been through and also what you haven't. So, please listen to what I got to say.

1. Draw more.
I know this does not make any sense since you think that your drawing is not as good as others and is pretty much primary school level. But trust me, drawing helps you a lot! In fact, drawing brings peace into your heart. Just concentrate on making art and ignore the voices in you that stops you.  

2. Stop complaining.
I know you think that the world is unfair and you are the victim. But you are not. You have a great family that you just can't see it yet. Daddy and Mommy love you more than you ever imagine. Those pressure that you felt from them, though sound cheesy, but is really for your own good.

3. Appreciate your friends. Real friends.
Pause for a while, and really think about who really cares about you and who don't. Spend time with those who care instead of those who don't give a damn. Because they're not worth your precious time.

4. Love yourself.
I know people compare you with our sister, and they have an certain expectation on how a principal's kid should act. But please, just because you are not how they wanted you to be, it doesn't mean you are not special and beautiful in your very own way. Please give yourself a break and just embrace yourself. And you'll soon find out how uniquely awesome you are.

5. Know God.
I know you think you know God. And I know you only pray whenever you want time to pass faster (for piano class). But let me tell you God is amazing when you really come to know Him. In fact, what I regretted the most is the fact that I did not know God earlier. Just try to have a relationship with Him, you'll be surprised!

Though I have a lot of regrets but what my sister said make sense.
What I've been through make me who I am today.

And I believe God can make something beautiful out of the mess I've been through.
:]


Constance friendly car

Wednesday, July 9, 2014


To make your car Constance friendly, just make sure you have the following.

1. Pillow.


2. iPhone 5 charger


3. Be prepared for some loud noise


4. Food and drinks are allowed.


5. Total silence is welcomed.


6. Barefoot on chair is allowed.


7. Most importantly the driver must be calm and able to drive safely in any circumstances.



My great dad!

Monday, July 7, 2014


Few weeks ago I attended my dad's retirement ceremony.
Before this, I only attended 2 retirement ceremonies.
But I've never seen anything such as this.


As my dad's children, we got the privilege to walk down the red carpet behind with him.
This might be the only time I'll walk down the "aisle". XD


These are the cute little girls that shower us with paper. 


Honestly speaking, I don't really know much about my dad's job.
I kinna regret about it.

All I knew was sometimes he will give some kid a small gift and they will be very happy.
You wouldn't believe how many gifts my dad prepared for them.
Trust me! Because our house is full of gifts.

His retirement ceremony consists of speeches from different people, performance from students, gifts giving session and a choir performance from the teachers!

When I saw so many of his teacher were crying on stage, I realized my dad wasn't just a boss to them, but he had done something more. He impacted lives.


He really care about the school, the teachers and the students.

I was so touched when I read one of the letter his student wrote to him.
Two of his student even came to him for autographs. ><
I don't remember doing that when my head master retire.

My dad must have been a super duper great headmaster to all of them!

One of his teacher say this to us "you must be very proud that you have such a great father."

Yes. Yes I am. 
And though my father is very strict towards us, but there is no doubt in my heart that I'm his favorite! XD

I mean, look at the silly things I do

\

And he still loves me. :]

A lot of them say I look like my dad.
Well, one thing for sure, I inherited his BIG nose! 
I'm pretty certain that my parents didn't found me from the garbage dump.


It is well

Saturday, July 5, 2014



No matter what happened in the past.
No matter what is going on right now.
No matter what will happen in the future.

He is still in control.



Hi July!

Thursday, July 3, 2014


July

Finally!!! July is here for me! I felt like it was yesterday when I said I wish July can come faster. In a blink of an eye, July is here.

Though I'm very excited about July with all my overseas trip, but July started with a bump. I was called into the meeting room the second I reach office. I was so scared and I thought I've created some sort of mess. I didn't, but my HOD told me that she won't be going to Vietnam with me and they have asked another senior to step in for her. 

Though that senior is very experienced and all, but I can't help but to feel the burden is upon me. Since I'll be the only one who follow through the whole preparation for this trip.

On top of that, I starting to feel the pressure for my company's upcoming event. There's so many last minute request and changes, I felt overwhelmed. And with my team lead not around most of the time, I feel a little helpless. Not to mention this task assigned is not as easy as they described it to be. They totally forgotten that the changes they made had greatly impacted our task.

With all these in hand, meetings after meetings are squeezing into my calender until I don't even have time to go toilet!!! No joke!

I even wanted to skip my lunch break and try to do as much as possible.

But I didn't.

Reason being, I need my rest. I know that if I do not recharge myself, I will burnout faster and I'll be easily irritated.

I don't know how to explain this, but even though there's a lot in my plate and I'm very busy, I somehow have the assurance that everything will turn out alright. I'm not saying I'm not rushing my work, I do. And sometimes I feel irritated and overwhelmed as well. But having said that, I'm not worried that it cannot be finish on time, because I know I have given my best and that's the only thing I can control. Other than that is pretty much out of my hands.

So yeah! July started with sweat and me running around. There's no fireworks to celebrate the fact that my favorite month is here and a great month has kicked start. But is still all good. After Vietnam will be my little run-away trip to Bangkok! Weeeee!!!!


Judge me if you will

Tuesday, July 1, 2014


Sometime I can be a bit lost and confuse. I don't know why I've given some people the permission to get to my nerves that much.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and I fire out my good old sarcasm boom. 
And it makes me feels like a jerk. 

I ask God to forgive my behavior and God say ask and we shall receive. Yet I still hold grudge towards myself. I think that's human problem, we tend to not forgive what God had already forgave. Somehow we think and act like we are greater than God, that even when God has forgiven and seek no 'revenge' we still want to have our own 'justice'. Then the question will be who is God? 

But I'm not going into that. It will be way to long for me to express my belief and what I stand for. 

I've been having this struggle for a while. In fact I had it for a very long time. Sometimes I can sweep it all under the carpet but sometimes I can't. So I do my best to avoid. Though it seems fun to say that I'm ugly and my baby will be ugly as well, it still hurts. More than I wanted it to be. And those sarcasms for judging the way I act seem to be fairly unfair. Why people expect me to act in certain ways? Just because I'm a Christian I should be judge with another set of rules or dos and don’ts? 

I wonder what is on their list of how Christian should behave. And I thank God that I don't have to live up to that bloody man-made list to enter into His Kingdom. Because God knows I'm not perfect, in fact there are so many flaws in me that God has graciously and mercifully accepted and love. But despite of all that, God still wants me to be as close to Him as possible. 

The way that I am might not be perfect in any human definition. In fact many think that I'm weird, lack of social skills and all. But that's part of me. That is who I am. I might not be accepted in this world, but is ok. I live to please God and only God. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I should be full of myself and not improve. But what I'm trying to convey is that people are just too difficult to please. But God is different; He accepts and has sent the Holy Spirit to walk with me in this journey of mine. No real change can take place in me unless God decided to intervene.

And if I use men standard to judge myself, I've fallen short of the Glory of God. 

So judge me, criticize me and do whatever that you like and please. Because that's your choice and not mine. Is out of my control, and my only responsible is to respond in a way that pleases God.