Inside out

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

The first time I heard about Pastor Bill Johnson was during my time in SOT.

Pastor Bill was one of the speaker that came and teach us and also he shared during a weekend service.

I remembered clearly that time that I find it very hard to understand what he was sharing and I didn’t catch whatever he was trying to impart to us.

But I think God is amazing.

After SOT, I’ve been through a period of time where He drew me closer and closer to Him.
That was the season of my life where I really build an intimate relationship with God.

And all of the sudden, my eyes sees and my ears began to hear.
I started to understand more of what Pastor Bill was sharing.
And it is AMAZING!

One of the item on my wish list is to be able to go to Redding, California to visit his church.
He told us that sometimes during worship, God’s cloud of Glory will appear.
I want to see that!!!!!!

But come to think of it, I want to see that in our church! XD

I got this volume and started reading it last year.
But for some unknown reasons, I didn’t continue it.
I restarted it just last week and I’ve completed the first book in this volume.


“Dreaming with God” by Bill Johnson

Trust me, it ain’t easy to choose what to share here.
Look at those tags!!!!
But I’ll try my best to share what impacted me the most.

God has made Himself vulnerable to the desires of His people. ~ p.g. 23

The world has longed for a message they could experience. Yet many believers have simply tried to make the good news more intellectually appealing. This must stop! The natural mind cannot receive the things of the Spirit of God (see 1 Cor. 2:14). The wisdom of God is foolishness to men. It’s time to be willing to appear foolish again, that we might provide the world with a message of power that delivers, transform and heals. This is true wisdom. It alone satisfies the cry of the human heart. ~ p.g. 49

When people pursue dreams but fail to see them fulfilled, they prepare the way for others who carry the same dream to eventually get the breakthrough that they were seeking. It is hard for many to take comfort in this though, but that’s because we usually think it’s all about us. There is no failure in faith. p.g. ~ 50

To have questions is healthy; to hold God hostage to those questions is not. It is sometimes creates an atmosphere that fulfils its own prophecy about the power of God not being for today. It shuts down the very anointing that would teach them otherwise. ~ p.g. 56

It is the mercy of God to withhold revelation from those who have no hunger for truth, because if they don't hunger for it, the chances are they won’t obey it when they hear it. Revelation always brings responsibility, and hunger is the thing that prepares our hearts to carry the weight of the responsibility. ~ p.g. 60

A yielded imagination becomes a sanctified imagination; and it’s the sanctified imagination that is positioned for visions and dreams. ~ p.g. 67

He is not on trial, we are. ~ p.g. 69

The spoken word is never to replace the written Word. The more of the written Word we have in our hearts, the greater the capacity we have to hear the spoken word, because He speaks to that which has been deposited in out hearts and calls it forth. ~ p.g. 73

Royalty is my identity. Servanthood is my assignment. Intimacy with God is my life source. So, before God, I’m an intimate. Before people, I’m a servant. Before power of hell, I’m a ruler, with no tolerance for their influence. Wisdom knows which role to fulfil at the proper time. ~ p.g. 88

The prophetic in its purest form is designed to find the gold in people’s lives and call it to the surface. ~ p.g. 89

Learning how to pray in the Spirit and soak in His presence will give great advantages to those wanting to invade this mountain (Entertainment). ~ p.g. 100

When God is number one, there is no number two. ~ p.g. 111

In the wake of our passion for God, passion for other things is created. ~ p.g. 112

His focus in revelation is our personal transformation. Revelation leads to a God encounter, and the encounter forever changes us. The encounters can be stunning experiences, or the simple moments of being immersed in His peace; but they are makers along the journey of, “Thy kingdom come…” Without the encounter, revelation makes us proud. ~ p.g. 130

The ability to carry more has to do with both character and faith. Character enables us to receive glorious promises of destiny without taking the glory to ourselves. And greater faith responds to the declarations with the great courage needed to fulfilment. ~ p.g. 135

He purpose to be regularly conscious of God’s nearness and lived from that mind-set. ~ p.g. 140

Kingdom principle functioned even before his conversion. Finding and applying principles is something even an unbeliever can do. ~ p.g. 141

Truth is multidimensional. Some truths are superior to others. Lesser truths are often foundation of greater truths. “I no longer call you servant, but friends.” Friendship with God is built on the foundation of first being a servant. Truth is progressive in nature - line upon line, precept on precept.~ p.g. 144

I must come to that which I understand with a childlike heart because what I know can keep me from what I need to know if I don't remain a novice. Becoming an expert in any area of Scripture is the very thing that often closes us off from learning the new things that God is opening up in His Word. Again, it’s the childlike heart that attracts revelation from God (see Matt.11:25). ~p.g. 147

True meditation feats on God’s Word. ~ p.g. 152

The Holy Spirit is imprisoned in the bodies of unbelieving believers. ~ p.g. 157

The declared word has the capacity to resource earth with heaven’s resources. ~ p.g. 157

Every time God speaks to us, there is a transfer of heavenly resources from His account into ours. ~ p.g. 158

When we encourage, it is more than a feel-good moment; it actually releases the labor of God. ~ p.g. 160

Our relationship with the Holy Spirit is foundational to the breakthrough that we all want to see. ~ p.g. 161

What is going on inside of us affects what goes on around us. ~ p.g. 161

It is important to note that a prosperous soul attracts the blessing of the Lord materially and financially. ~ p.g. 163

To put the richness of that gift into eternal future is to sell short the power of the Cross in the present. He gave us a gift beyond comprehension because we have an assignment beyond reason. Jesus gave us all things because we would need all things to fulfil our call. ~ p.g. 170

Our passion for Him and His promises speeds up the process of growth development, making us qualified for the stewardship of those events sooner than had been planned. ~ p.g. 172

Only believe

Monday, April 20, 2015

Smith Wigglesworth. 

The first time I heard of this name was during bible school.
One of the teacher shared a lot of stories about him that I couldn't resist to know more.

If my memory serves me correctly, he once got a person so convicted of their sins just by sitting next to them.
And He even bring his dead wife to life nota once but TWICE.
His wife did not stay alive because she told him to let her go back to God and then only his ministry will take off.
Smith Wigglesworth is a man of God that heals people by the power of God.

So when I found out that the bookstore have his books, I grab it before someone else did.

“Wigglesworth on the Anointing" is a compilation of the words he shared in different conference.


May God the Holy Spirit make me so unconscious of my condition the Spirit, so hungry, so thirsty, that I see everyone as having more than me. - p.g. 44

There is something wrong when you are the only one who is right. - p.g. 73

You began well; what has hindered you? (Galatians 5:7). Was it the Lord who came in the way? No, the Lord never stops your progress. It was some human thing. There was something glittered, but it was not pure gold. There was something that shook your confidence, but it was never God. - p.g. 78

Nothing will put law away except perfect love. There is no law to love. Love never had a law; it never felt it was making a sacrifice. If you ever talk about sacrifice, it shows you do not know what it is to love. - p.g. 81

We are to be more helpless, more dependent on God. - p.g. 88

One is that the devil doesn't let you forget your sins; the second is that you never forget them; and the third is that God has forgotten them. The question is whether we are going to believe God, the devil or ourselves. - p.g. 96

I believe that God wants us to know that our fruit has to remain. Beloved, we should recognise that our prayers are in vain unless we really expect what we ask to be granted to us. - p.g. 97

There is nothing is the world as lovely as the knowledge tat God reaches out, and tat those who seek Him, find Him - and He finds them. Remember, there are always two seekers. The moment you begin, you will find that God begins. ~ p.g. 101

The worst thing that can come to anyone, to a child of God, is to be self-satisfied with his present spiritual attainment. ~ p.g. 113

Enter into rest, get filled with the Holy Spirit, and unbelief will depart. Where people entered in, they were safe from unbelief, and unbelief is sin. It is the greatest sin, because it hinders you from all blessings. ~ p.g. 119

We should be so filled with the power of God that we should not know what it is to have a body -  that is, we should not be aware of our bodies through experiencing pain or sickness in them. ~ p.g. 126

When I think of the infinite wisdom of God in this measure, why did God not come to us and make Himself openly manifested to us? Why not? Because our finite beings could not stand His glory. You remember that as Saul went into Damascus, the light of the Son flashed brilliantly on the road, and those with him fell to the earth, and he was struck blind at the same time. We could not stand God’s glory, because we are only finite beings, but God did the very best for us. When He could not present Himself to us, He gave us His Word. ~ p.g. 128

And when I come to a place where I will not do anything for myself, then God will do something for me, and I will gladly do anything for Him that He may desire me to do. That is in the order of the baptism of the Spirit. It is when we cease to clothe ourselves that God clothes us; and it is the clothing with which He clothes us that covers all our nakedness. ~ p.g. 140

Will we stop short of what He says we ought to be will we cease to come into line with the Mind that is always thinking for our best; will we cease to humble ourselves before Him who took the way of the Cross for us; will we withhold ourselves from Him who could weep over the doomed city of Jerusalem, from the Lord Jesus Christ, who has “trodden the winepress alone” (Isaiah 63:3); will we cease to give Him our all? To what profit will it be if we hold back anything from Him who gives us a thousand times more than He ever asks from us? ~ p.g. 153

I have a Jesus like that, who can speak the word and the thing is done. I have a Jesus who indwells me and vitalises me with a faith that believed it is true. I have a Jesus within me who has never let me get fainthearted or weary. ~ p.g. 155

A man cannot make opportunity. He has to be ready. It is God who makes the opportunity. ~ p.g. 173

There must be more

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

“You’re still young. Go for it.”

“Let’s go Shu Qing! Take a month off and travel.”

“Just go. What are you waiting for?”

These are the few “encouragement” that I get in one day.

I think age is a very subjective matter.

I’m going to be 25 this year.
Looking at those 14, 17, 20 and even 24, I feel very old.
But to them who are 35, 30 and 28 I still got a few years to go.
And to my parents, I think I'm at the age where I should settle down. 
Maybe not start a family, but at least have a clear career path.

I’m born to travel.
That’s what I told my colleagues.
I pray to God that my future partner have to be one that willing (and able to afford) to travel with me.
If not willing to go, at least must be willing to pay for it and let me go!

I’m hunger for adventure.
My eyes burn with the green fire of jealousy when I heard someone traveled alone to a foreign country.
I want to do that too! But they always tell me this “you’re a girl, is dangerous for you to travel alone.”
Why?! Why am I a girl?!
Why?! Why the world is so unsafe for a girl?

Some people hate travelling alone. 
I don’t know why because I love it very much.
When I went Bangkok with Oyan last year, I spent a few days walking around the street of Bangkok alone.
I did the same when I was in Taiwan with the Boon’s family.
Sad to say this, but I think of all the country I’ve been to, the most dangerous country I felt is my own.

Thanks to my colleagues, my wanderlust is tickled and I’m hungry for more adventure.
I ask God "there must be more to life than this."
It seems very impossible for me to stay behind my work desk for another minute.

Is not that I never consider working abroad or take a few months off to travel and experience life.
But it seems like there’s so many things to be taken into considerate.

Like a bird bound by the chains on its leg, I must stay.
But the chains are imaginary, the door is wide open, should I fly? 

Follow Me

Monday, April 13, 2015


It was Sunday again and my sister and I were late to service again.

We were so late that we were seated at the very back of the auditorium. 

Ushers walking, light shining, music playing and worshippers worshiping.

I have this annoying yet awesome habit.
As you all know, I read a lot.
And when I read something that convicts my heart, I’ll remember it, struggle with it and talk to God about it until it makes better sense to me.

That weekend, the theme in my mind was “desperate need for God”.

People go to church because they are desperate to have God in their life, not because is cool to attend church.
People go to church because they are desperate for an encounter with God, not because there’s a special event in church.
People go to church because they are desperate and there’s no other way but to seek God, not because it is “required” to attend church as a Christian.

Desperate need for God.

So as I was sitting there, looking at the huge screen and stage, enjoying the performance well planned by the church and looking at the people entertained by the performance and some of them busy snapping photos to update their instagram and Facebook to show that they are part of the coolest thing in town.

I asked God, how are we meeting the desperate need for You?
I asked God, how are we growing the church because more and more people realise that they need You?

I asked God, why is our church like this?
I was desperate to see a deeper hunger for God as a church, a desperate need for God that comes from a realisation that without Him we can’t do anything.
I was crying for change.

And then God said “ I Love them still.”

He said that, not in a way that they are wrong.
He said that, not in a way that He wants them to change.
He said that in a way that it doesn’t matter how I thought about the church, He love them still and because He love them, I should too.

And because He love them, I have no say in how they should be.

All because He love them.

xx

Fast forward to last weekend service with Pastor Jeff Lucas.

I only attended the Sunday service as I was away from Friday night and only got back on Saturday evening.

He shared an amazing sermon from John 21:1-23 with the sermon entitled “Better because of breakfast”.

In summary, he shared 4 points with us:-
Establishing priorities - faith or fish?
Resolving our regrets - sitting at the fire side.
Moving beyond pettiness - what is that to you? 
Giving God our now - receiving a prophetic newsflash 

It felt God was using Pastor Jeff to convicts my heart of the struggles I’ve been through lately.

When God planted this dream in my heart, it wasn’t a bright light shinning through my bedroom window while I kneel down praying.

It was just something in my heart that I wanted to do and after struggling for about a year, God had again and again and again invited me to so something about it with Him.

And I did.

But the thing is this, after stories and stories that I’ve heard from pastors, preachers and Christians around me, I thought God will come through for me. 
Maybe not immediately but within a period of time that I can handle. 
But He haven’t.

I think most of the stories that I heard missed out the part where they waited patiently for God.

I started to freakout, compare and ask God about other people’s blessings and even question Him about their achievements.

John 21: 21-22
When Peter saw him (John), he asked, “Lord, what about him?” Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.”

There’s a lot of dreams and vision that I believe is from God had not been coming through. A year had passed, 2 years had passed and in a blink of an eye it will be 3 years.

The same dream that I had, is coming through for other people but me.
Did I miss out anything or had God forgotten about me?

But the thing is this, whatever God wants it for another person and however God wants my church to be is really non of my business.
One thing remain, I must follow Him.

And as I freaked out on those petty things, the reality of life took it’s advantage and shove me with waves after waves of guilt, doubt and the need to strive and take control.
I was shaken and my priorities were in a mess.

It really feels like walking through water.
Easily shaken by the waves that keeps crushing in.
Constantly tired to fight through the waves.

But no matter how hard it is to walk through the water towards Jesus, I do not want to waiver.
Because even in this none fancy season of my life, I want to give it to Him.

I want to give my now to Jesus again and again and again until one day I return home and meet Him face to face.

I responded to the altar call.

Tears flowing through my eyes *thank God I did not had eyeliner on*.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” I said repeatedly.

“Is ok. Is ok. Is ok.” He said repeatedly.

Have Your way

Saturday, April 11, 2015

When I stand at the Judgement Seat of Christ,
And He shows His plan for me,
The plan of my life as it might have been,
Had He had His way - and I see
How I blocked Him here, and checked Him there,
And I wold not yield my will,
Will there be grief in my Savior's eyes,
Grief though He loves me still?
Would He have me rich and I stand there poor,
Stripped of all but His grace,
While memory runs like a hunted thing
Down the paths I cannot retrace?
Lord, of the years that are left to me,
I give them to Thy hand;
Take me and break me and mold me
To the pattern that Thou has planned!
- Author unknown


If I fall off or fall over, I fall into grace

Monday, April 6, 2015

I’ve been pretty slow in my book reading.
Though I’ve read 3 books so far this year, but I only read 1 during February and March.
I really need to spend more time reading!

Anyway, the latest book I finished is Learning to Love by Heidi and Rolland Baker.


A bit of background about them, they are 2 crazy lover of God that stay and plant churches in places that is super duper isolated from the modern world!

And when I say crazy, I mean CRAZY!
You can just google about them to know them more.

Oyan got me this book when she went to Kingdom Invasion conference in Singapore last year.
Basically, this book is filled with stories how they reflect God’s love in the mission field and how God had been miraculously and amazingly faithful to them!

And as usual, these are my take away from the book!

Do you love Me? Will you complete your work, will you fulfil your destiny because of who Jesus is? That is the only reason to do anything beloved, and it is the only safe place to be - in Him, drinking Him, imbibing Him over and over; to be filled and poured out, filled and poured out. ~ p.g. 13

When you are in love, you are different. You will do anything, go anywhere. All you want is to be with the one you love. This is passion: being totally committed, not just dipping your toes in the water to see what the temperature is life. ~ p.g. 23

When you are in love you have power; you will do anything and go anywhere that your loved one asks. You simply trust the one you love to be there for you. You can run headlong into dark places if you know that light is waiting for you. You can jump out of a boat into a stormy sea, you can take extravagant risks, you can live right on the edge. If you fall off or fall over, you fall into grace. ~ p.g.24

When your mind is too big and your heart is too small, you can’t get anywhere. You can’t fly, let alone soar. ~ p.g. 24

Sometimes it is life this. It looks like your vision is in the camp of someone who doesn't even know God. It looks like your vision has been captured and carried away. It looks like it is full of dust, covered over, and without any fuel. And yet God says, “Believe what I said! And do not stop!” Love is tenacious. Faith is tenacious. Love doesn't give up, even when the engines are toast and you have to pay 70% duty! Do not stop short of His promise to you. Do not stop short of your destiny. Do not stop short of His glory. ~ p.g. 51

When you are stuck the best thing you can do is to ask your loving Father what is best? Jesus said, “I only do what I see the Father doing.” ~ p.g. 67


“To live is Christ, to die is gain. We have to let go of our pre-conceived ideas, our carefully worked out plans, our way of doing things so that God can live in us. We need new life, His life. If we are going to make room to carry His glory then we have to die first. We have to take our place at the cross and say, as Jesus said, “Not my will but Yours God Your will. I will drink the cup You have called me to drink, whatever the cost.” ~ p.g. 72

It takes courage to go, but it can take more courage to let go. To let go of the reins that you have been holding on to. Let go of your way, let go of being the answer. You and I are not the answer my friend, God is. ~ p.g. 73

We cannot love with supernatural, unstoppable love unless we actually experience the love of the Father for us first. As the radiance and exact image of the invisible God, Jesus is a spiritual lover, our perfect and ultimate companion. Our first value is to know Him in a passionate relationship with a love that is stronger than death (Song of Songs 8:6). We major first of all not on mission strategy, methods, projects and fundraising, but having the God-life that the world so needs and craves. ~ p.g. 142

Joy laughter and a light heart are not disrespectful of God and incongruous with this world, but are evidence of the life of Heaven. ~ p.g. 146

以后别做朋友

Friday, April 3, 2015



我想人的一生都因着千千万万的错过而形成的。
错过的过去是自己的损失还是彼此的遗憾?
如果不曾拥有 就不必害怕失去。
但应该为了不失去 而不拥有吗?

爱一个人会给自己勇气在一个曾经是陌生人的面前做自己。
爱 不是为了在自己喜欢的人而故作完美 而知道能够不顾一切地做自己。
如果为了爱说谎 那还是爱吗?

在真爱中你会发现 牺牲 是不存在的。

我们都不小心走进了谁的错过?


Constance with God #6

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

There’s a period of time earlier this year that I kept asking God the same question. 

Stay or leave?

It was our church service that day.
I remember it was during worship and I looked at the stage and the below conversation took place.



Me: God. I don’t feel belong here. I can’t call this home. Should I leave?
[trust me, I had in mind where to go.]

God: You’ve seen the work I’ve done in this church. My question to you is this, are you willing to be a part of this change.

Me: Okay...


I’ll lie if I say I never once thought of leaving after this conversation with God.
But He will always remind me about it again and again.

I’m staying.
Well, at least for now. XD