Last day and first day

Today is my last day in my old company and first day in my new.

Impossible?!!!!

Who said so?!!!!

I just took AL to clear off my leave in my old company! XD

My official last day was on Thursday last week.

As we had our corporate prayer meeting on Wednesday, I bid farewell to all my colleagues with a simple “thank you”.

It was pretty difficult for me emotionally especially the last 2 days at work.

Suddenly felt like everyone is very nice to me and the working environment is too good to leave.

Some of them even gave me present, junk food, candy and chocolate!

I also received a farewell card filled with wishes from all my colleagues. 

A few really encouraged and touched my heart. 

“Think you’ve a mind of your own. Always like to listen to your perspective…”

“… strange but true.”

“Really like your gung-ho spirit”

As you should know by now, I don't always act in a normal way.

I have my fair share of struggles just to be myself.

But to read all these comments from people I work with really encourages me.

I am indeed strange in someways but true to everybody I know.

The last thing I want to do is to lie.

I always feel that honesty and openness is the key to build a better relationship.

And I am blessed to have people like them to not only accept but love me for who I am.

To make it worst, Shirley actually did a DISC test for all of us and my chart is constant among all 3 charts!
In case you have not done the test before, it means that I am very comfortable in where I am now because the way I am is the way I project and perceive myself!

Some have to change the way they project themselves in front of others due to work demands.

I looked at Jan and asked her if I shouldn't have changed job. ><

But I guess at the end of the day, you just need to take a leap and try.

Because if I never try, I’ll never know!

So far, first day at work is good!

I’ve made a few friends and God is really helped me today!

I had to open a bank account for my new company so I rushed over during lunch time.

I told the person in charged to be fast and he told me the fastest will also take 30 minutes.

And I was so nervous because the system of the bank hanged as well!

Whatever the guy asked me I just told him no cause I wanted to be quick. ><

I was supposed to be back by 12:30p.m. and by 12:20 p.m. I’m still in the bank.

It will take me around 15 minutes to get back.

I kept telling God please help me but I was still very nervous thus I had to keep reminding myself to surrender to God.

And miracle happened! They postpone my lunch break till 1 p.m.!!!!!!

I reached 4 minutes before 1!

Really thank God!!!!

Thank God for His strength as well, if not I think I’ll fall asleep. :]

Constance with God #12: Relationship with God

“Is it based on the bible?”

“No. Is based on my relationship with God.”

“Is it based on the bible?”

“No. Is based on my relationship with God.”

“Is it based on the bible?”

“No. Is based on my relationship with God.”

“Is it based on the bible?”

“No. Is based on my relationship with God.”

She repeated her question, and I repeated my answers.

Is no surprise that she will question my beliefs.

Is not the first time I got doubts like hers.

That’s why I always joke and say mine is “ajaran sesat.”

The question I often got from people when I tell them God told me this and that is “how can you be sure?”

The truth is, I don’t.

But I choose to believe.

To me, that’s faith.

How sure am I that what I’ve heard is not “wrong?”

Well, I’m not sure either.

But I believe with my background in SOT, I have a fundamental understanding of the character of God.

Thus if something I heard is out of the character of God, I’ll think twice.

For example, if I heard a voice that ask me to kill myself, I think I’ll know that’s not from God but from my flesh or the liar.

But to be totally honest, there are times that what I’ve heard from God is different from what I’ve previously understood.

I have my struggles with it and I kept going back to God and ask Him questions about the things He had placed in my heart.

But God had brought me into this journey of changing my mindset and beliefs for the past 2 years.

Is a very challenging and interesting journey that I’m still in right now.

The challenging part as I mentioned is the struggle between old beliefs and new ones.

The interesting part is how God had confirm to me again and again that I am not crazy to have all these thoughts and He is doing something new.

I’ve never really shared my questions and convictions to anyone.

And I don’t search on the internet for answers, I always talk to God about it.

And you know what happened?

God started to also reveal the same thing to the people around me.

And these people started talking to me and showing me videos about the things God had previously reviewed to me.

And is through all these people, I know I am not crazy to have all these beliefs.

And it is indeed Him who reveals all these to me because there is no way I can figure out all these by myself.

A lot of my beliefs come from my relationship with God.

If you ask me to point to you which part of the bible tells me so, I can’t really tell you.

If you ask me to explain to you, I might not get it through you well either.

But the crazy thing is, there’s always some resources out there with those same beliefs supported by bible references and they explain it well to.

And God in His ways brought those resources to me and show it to me.

I think He is also trying to push me back to bible reading which I’ve neglected for a while.

Anyway, my point is this.

I’ll never sure if is God that I hear.

But is my step of faith to believe it is God.

And even it is not God, I believe God is merciful, graceful and powerful enough to bring me back to the right path.

I rather take the risk to be wrong than not having a relationship with God.

I believe the Bible is the revelation of who God is and is not a substitute for God Himself.

You can think that I’m crazy, maybe I am.

But I’ll risk being crazy for God. :]

That time I had black pepper crab

“Pack for a day trip and I will come over and pick you up in the morning.”

This was the message I got from Oyan when we couldn't decide where to go for the weekend.

She decided to decide herself since I only wanted to escape from routine and she wanted to eat.

Off we went to my dad’s hometown, Malacca!

OMG! This post is so #throwback that I don’t even remember when we went.

So for the sake of remembrance, I shall just post all the pictures here!

We actually met the owner and he look exactly like the cartoon!

There was a fun fair next to our hotel

Also went to Portuguese settlement for seafood!

We recommend the last shop's black pepper crab!!! Yummy!

Jonker streets

 And my favourite pork chop noodle shop! *slurp*

Ah!!! Now I remember!

It was the weekend before GST launched.

We ended up getting a lot of pads and bowls! 

Not even married yet but acting like housewives already. ><

Work life balance?

For the past few weeks, I’ve been in this turmoil whereby I’m so uncertain about my future.

I’ve been in my current NGO for almost 2 years now and I decided to jump back into corporate.

Is not an easy decision and I still have my doubt and struggles about it every now and then.

I went to another interview the other day and the interviewer said what I have right now is “work life balance”.

I nodded at him politely at that time but after giving some thoughts into it, I wonder if what I have right now is “work life balance”?

If it is really “work life balance” then why do I feel agitated and have been wanting to move on?

If this is really “work life balance”, then did I made the wrong move by deciding to go back to the corporate world?

In my current job, there is no doubt that I have a lot of time to spare because I work on time and leave on time.

There is indeed a balance of time spent at work and at home.

But the thing is, I had almost ZERO sense of fulfilment from my job.

Yes, I know I’m helping the children and all, but there’s something lacking.

Part of me feel that I can give more than just entering data and processing queries.

It had become so routine that I don’t feel like I’m learning anything and I’ve lost the passion to learn anything new.

Because what I have right now is sufficient for me to slide by my work everyday.

Work had become just work without purpose.

Is really dreadful.

My friends in corporate envy the free time that I have.

Well, I appreciate that as well.

But to go home everyday and couldn't even recall what I’ve done is a creepy feeling.

I got sick of it and that’s why I decided to make that move, to shift to corporate.

The interviewer also said to me that once I’m in corporate, there’s no more time for me to do my hobby or even pursue my dreams.

I once thought the same, but recently my mindset of this changed.

I think I can do both and my work is not independent from my dream but is integrated together.

What I’ve learn from my job can help me in my dream and what I do for my dream is a channel to release stress so that I won’t be too overwhelmed by work.

At the end of the day, I think “work life balance” is really not purely about time allocation.

But it also includes sense of fulfilment in whatever you do, be it at work or during your free time.

Of course, this is me talking from my imagination of how corporate life will be.

I’ll soon put this to test and see how it work out.

I know in everything, God will be with me because I’m His precious little daughter! :)

Wish me all the best!

you win looking like you are losing

One of the book that changed my life was “The Lost Message of Jesus” by Steve Chalke.

Therefore, when I found out he published another new book earlier this year, I got it right away!

I mean, who won’t be interested in a book with the title “Being Human”?

And here’s my top 10 take away from the book!

Our greatest danger in life is to that we aim too high and miss, but that we aim too low and hit our target. ~ p.g. 17

The difference, for instance, between believing that God exists and believing that God does not exist is not the difference between the ‘presence’ and absence’ of faith - it is simply a difference in the content of that faith and belief. ~ p.g. 25

‘Enemy-occupied territory - that is what this world is. Christianity is the story of how the rightful king has landed, you might say landed in disguise, and is calling us all to take part in a great campaign of sabotage.’ ~ p.g. 35

What’s required is a mind-set of never being satisfied with your current ability, a passion to aim just beyond your capability and, most importantly, a never ending resolve to dust yourself off in the face of defeat and try again. ~ p.g. 103

Jesus taught us to behave as if nothing we give away could ever make us poorer, because we can never run out of what we give. Rather than trying to grip your life with tight, anxious hands, unclench that fist. Open your hand. Don’t plot and scheme about tomorrow. Live with reckless generosity. Serve others. Give up the best seat. If you try to keep what you have, you’ll lose even that. Give it away, and you’ll get back more than you bargain for. Give it away, and you’ll get back more than you ever dreamt you could get. ~ p.g. 144

‘ A God who cannot suffer is poorer than any human. For a God who is incapable of suffering is a being who cannot be involved. Suffering and injustice do not affect him… so in the end he is also a loveless being.’ ~ p.g. 151

According to Genesis all human beings are stamped with the image of the Creator, which defines human life as more than merely biological. This means that when we stand before another person, however destitute, disabled, diseased or degraded, we stand before a representative of the divine. ~ p.g. 163

What they failed to recognise is that when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do, you can safely conclude that what you’ve actually done is recreate him in your own image. ~ p.g. 208

The essence of genuine discussion is that each person in that discussion is open to the possibility of being changed by what is shared. Without this, we might as well stand in front of a mirror and talk to ourselves. The great Catholic missionary and theologian Vincent Donovan put it like this : ‘Do not try to call [others] to where you are, as beautiful as that place may seem to you. You must have the courage to go with them to a place neither you nor they have been before.’ ~ p.g. 223

‘It is perhaps better, and far more accurate,’ he said, ‘ to understand God’s anger as his anguish - a dimension of his love, but never an emotion opposition to it.’ ~ p.g. 229

xXxXx

At first I have more than 30 to share but I accidentally deleted all so I became lazy and just choose 10 to share here.

Is another great book that you would not want to miss!

Constance with God #11: Vulnerability

2 weeks ago my mom was hospitalised. 

When my dad called and broke the news to me, I panicked though he told me that is nothing too serious.

I waited for my sister to come back before we went to the hospital together.

While waiting, I couldn't help but cry because I didn't know what was happening.

The feeling of uncertainty came back, like when I was 16.

When we visited my mom, I didn't say much.

I kept looking out of the window and I talked to God while my mom was resting on the hospital bed.

Me: God! Help me! I don’t want to cry!

God: Why?

Me: I don’t know! Because in Chinese culture crying is for the weak and vulnerable!

God: Yes. But great love flows from vulnerability.

WOW!

xxx

I reflected on this for a while and I think when Jesus came to earth for us, is God being vulnerable for us.

He was persecuted, shamed and rejected.

Yet is through this vulnerability that He shown, we are able to come back to God and experience His great love.

A lot of people that I know refuse or should I say afraid of getting in to a relationship because they are afraid of getting hurt.

But to express love, is to be vulnerable.

To give without expecting any back and risk to be taken advantage.

True and great love flows from vulnerability. 

That’s something to think about!

#PhilippinesMissionTrip

Other than my mission trip to Surabaya during my school term in SOT, I’ve never been to any mission trip that is not lead by Shirley.

So this year, I decided to sign-up one with church and just go.

I have a confession.

I found out that Cindy will be leading the team and only realise that the other team members who are going are the other secretaries of the church.

These people are the ones who handle admin stuff and are very high C.

With my break-down last year triggered by administrative stuff, I was pretty scared to go with them.

But who knows it ended up to be one of the best mission trip that I’ve been to!

Unlike previous mission trips where most of us got to share testimony, offering or messages, this time around none of us got to all the above.

Cindy was in charge to share about our church administration and we were assigned to organise children program.

So the preparation I did for this mission trip was pretty different from the previous.

Instead of preparing all sort of messages, I prepared song chords and my ukulele.

At first, we did not plan to bring ukulele since Francis can play guitar, we leave it all to him.

But during our meeting before the trip, I just felt like I should bring ukulele and I did.

I almost wanted to not bring ukulele the day before we departed, but I glad I did because it was really a life saver!

I didn’t give much thought into this mission trip.

I was super chill and relax and just wanted to handle things at it is.

So whatever they wanted to do, I just go with it.

And whatever is needed at the moment, I just do it.

So at the end of the day, I did a lot of stuff that I never imagined myself doing.

I lead the children into singing and doing action for some children song.

I lead worship using ukulele in a girls home while the others ministered to the girls there.

I sang more than four songs using ukulele to some elderly and leaders while waiting for my other team members to come back.

I lead twenty to thirty of children who have no idea what I was doing in games.

All in all, I did whatever that was needed without planning much ahead and it was AWESOME!

I think because I didn’t set any expectation for this mission trip, that’s why whenever and whatever they asked from me I will just do it.

The fear that I used to have is no where to be found!

So free and liberating!

Totally enjoyed every moment of the mission trip!

One thing I regretted was I didn’t join the worship team during praise and worship. 

J handed me the mic but I told him no.

By the time my decision was shaken, he took away the mic already. Haha.

Maybe he was just joking when he said that.

Oh! I regretted I didn't join not because I think my singing is very good.

But because their worship was so good that day I think the experience of it will be AWESOME!

When I first heard them rehears from far, I already have goosebumps!

And when they started to play the FIRST song, I’m already tearing!!!!!!

The presence of God there is SUPERB!!!! 

Totally worth going there again! XD

Their hospitality was also super AWESOME!

J and LA were really very friendly and nice throughout the whole trip.

They provide us good food which I already miss and also bring us around.

The first few days were a bit quiet because we still don't know each other.

But at the end, we begin to grow closer and we were all joking around! #destiny

 

And one thing I’ve never expected to experience in this mission trip is the fellowship and relationship with my fellow mission mates.

As mentioned, when I found out is them, I freaked out a little.

I thought I will just be quiet all the time and just observe and listen to them.

But gosh! We had so much fun together!!!

Not only during our different sessions, but also the time that we just talk to each other!

We talked until 3:30 in the morning during our last night there!!!!

It’s amazing!!!!!

Thank God they can accept who I am as a person because sometimes I can be so weird! XD
#SheepWithoutWool

Didn’t regret going with them and thank God for having the chance to know them especially Cindy because she’s leaving KL soon.

But really, thank God for them.

Photo spamming time!

Below photos stolen from Francis

I also took this opportunity to play with my fake GoPro and here’s the video of our trip.