Embrace yourself

When I went back to my hometown for my dad's retirement, I dug out my old diary to read.

The content of my diary was super duper lame.

It always revolve around certain group of people who clearly didn't click with me.

But I was too blind to see that previously and chased after them.

I think I wanted to be one of the cool kids instead of being "the principal's daughter".

I realized while "chasing" after them I've missed out a lot of things.

Friends that genuinely cared for me, things I would have enjoyed and memories that I could have had.

All these are lost just because I constantly compare myself to others and judge myself according to what other said or think about me.

My self-esteem depended upon others.

I told my sister the other day, if I wish I can go back in time and talk some sense to the old me.

So if one day time machine is real this is what I'll tell me.

Dear Shu Qing,

Hi! My name is Constance and I'm the future you. This might sound weird, but trust me it will help us a lot. Because I've been through what you've been through and also what you haven't. So, please listen to what I got to say.

1. Draw more.

I know this does not make any sense since you think that your drawing is not as good as others and is pretty much primary school level. But trust me, drawing helps you a lot! In fact, drawing brings peace into your heart. Just concentrate on making art and ignore the voices in you that stops you.  

2. Stop complaining.

I know you think that the world is unfair and you are the victim. But you are not. You have a great family that you just can't see it yet. Daddy and Mommy love you more than you ever imagine. Those pressure that you felt from them, though sound cheesy, but is really for your own good.

3. Appreciate your friends. Real friends.

Pause for a while, and really think about who really cares about you and who don't. Spend time with those who care instead of those who don't give a damn. Because they're not worth your precious time.

4. Love yourself.

I know people compare you with our sister, and they have an certain expectation on how a principal's kid should act. But please, just because you are not how they wanted you to be, it doesn't mean you are not special and beautiful in your very own way. Please give yourself a break and just embrace yourself. And you'll soon find out how uniquely awesome you are.

5. Know God.

I know you think you know God. And I know you only pray whenever you want time to pass faster (for piano class). But let me tell you God is amazing when you really come to know Him. In fact, what I regretted the most is the fact that I did not know God earlier. Just try to have a relationship with Him, you'll be surprised!

Though I have a lot of regrets but what my sister said make sense.

What I've been through make me who I am today.

And I believe God can make something beautiful out of the mess I've been through.

:]