I LIED

None of the lights in the room were on. He likes it this way. He said it makes him feel safe, safe from the world.

The clock did not wait for him to speak but tic-toc-tic-toc, it went on its own accord.

She sat behind her desk, 7 steps away from the arm chair he was laying on. Although is very tempting for her to do her own work before he speaks, but she did not. She kept looking at his face, trying to read his emotion behind every single movement of his face. But she couldn’t, the dim light that shine through the curtains doesn’t show her much. 

She waited.

“I lied.”He finally said something after 27 minutes of silence. She felt relived. The last time he came he left after an hour without saying anything.

“To who?” She asked as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Everyone.”

“Everyone?” 

“Everyone.” 

“What do you mean by that?” She was curious.

“Everyone! From the girl sitting in front of your office to the old beggar down the street! EVERYONE!” 

He sounded very angry, not towards her but the world. The emotions that he suppressed burst out like a volcano.

“What did you do?”

“I smiled.”He said as if it was illegal to smile.

“You smiled?”

“I smiled.”

She was confused with his answer why is he filling so much guilt just because he smiled?

“Why is it a lie then?”

“Because I wasn’t happy when I smiled.” You can still feel anger in his voice.

“Then why did you smile?”

“Because all of them expect me to smile!”

“They expect it from you?”

“YES! If I do not smile to them, they say I’m rude and impolite. They treat me like I’m not one of them! Like I’m an alien….” 

Tears were running down his eyes. He grabbed the fabric of the chair so hard you can almost see his nerves bursting out from his skin.

“Just because you didn’t smile?”

“Yes. They refuse to acknowledge any other emotions other than ‘happy’. They think that being sad or angry is wrong. All I wanted to be is to be real to myself! My feelings… Why is it so hard for them to understand?! Can’t I be sad? Can’t I be angry as well?”

“Yes you can.” She said but he didn’t hear her. Maybe he was crying too loud or maybe she was talking too softly. 

“Why must I be happy all the time?! I’m not perfect!!!!”

 “Neither are they.”