Every girl experiences physical cycle.
The “visitation” that we’ll have every month.
Well, some only have it every year.
But ya! You should get what I mean.
I on another hand, have a different cycle other than the one we all girls have.
Is not physical, but is mental.
As I started my new job, most of them think that I’m an extrovert.
I’m very outgoing and can talk to almost everyone.
But I have my own emotional cycle too.
At times, I feel like conquering the social media world and post something every day.
At times, I feel like quitting all my social media and disappear from the virtual world.
Today is the day where I feel like deleting my Facebook, Instagram and also Dayre account.
I cannot stand the idea of having social media, I don’t know why.
Is not like I’m super famous and have lots of stalkers or anything, I just want to delete my account.
Partly because I don’t know what’s the use of it and partly because I hate the image I (think I) patriated through my social media.
But blogging is fine.
Because not many people know I blog here and after neglecting my blog for almost a month, I don’t think anyone will come up here anymore anyway.
So here I am.
Pouring out this mixed feeling that I have every now and then.
My friends find me a little confusing.
There are days that I’ll suggest all sort of activities for everybody and then all of a sudden I don’t want to join them anymore.
They are so afraid of me pulling out that they will set the date immediately after I give any suggestions.
I’m a bit afraid.
I admit this.
Afraid of the goodbyes that we’ll need to say in 3 months’ times.
Afraid of the bond that couldn’t sustain after the whole program ends.
Most of all, I’m afraid that I’ll depend on them so much that I couldn’t get myself together after we walk our own path.
Most of my friends who knows me said this “you are very girl, do you know that?”
I don’t really understand what they mean by that until recently.
One of my friend to me that when she first knew me, she thinks that I’m a very boyish kind of girl.
But when she got to know me better, she realized that I’m actually very sensitive emotionally.
And that part of me is said to be very “girl”.
Actually I notice this part of me.
That’s why I prefer more touchy feeling kind of movies over action movies.
And that’s also the reason I hate watching movies because I’ll be so emotionally involved that sometimes I feel emo after a movie.
Arghhh… This girly part of me.
All of the sudden, I feel so insecure.
