Anastasia

“I believe he believed that he wasn’t good enough.”

- - -

Timothy Loo, died of suicide at age 32.

It was September 16, 2012, 2 am. Jessica just came back from another event organised by her company. As a PR Manager, she was required to attend events as such every other day. It was normal for her to reach home late at night. She would have found her husband in bed by now and she will wash up herself before snuggling next to him.

She went into her room, expecting to find a sound asleep husband but what she saw was her husband’s body.

Pills were all over the floor, and their silk white bedsheets were dyed with her husband’s blood. 

Jessica ran towards her husband and tried to wake him up but there was no respond from him. She reached for her phone and dialled 911. She put her ear to his chest, praying to hear a sound of a heartbeat, but there was none. 

When the ambulance finally arrived, they found her sitting next to him, holding his hands, crying.

Timothy Loo, died of suicide at age 32.

- - -

If I am lost for a day try to find me

Anastasia was working on some paperwork when her phone rang. She reached towards it and saw an unfamiliar number displaying on her phone.

“Not again” she sighed, thinking it was another telemarketing phone call that she’s been getting recently. 

“Hello, is this Anastasia Tay?” it was a man’s voice.

“Yes. I am” She said while thinking what excuse she’s going to use to get off from this call.

“Hi. I’m Jeff. Timothy’s friend.” He sounded a little sad.

“Oh! Hi, Jeff.” She remembered Timothy mentioned about Jeff a few times.

Timothy knew Jeff in college and they’ve been best buddy ever since. Timothy told her that Jeff was his best friend and he would tell him anything that was in his mind. Jeff was also Timothy’s best men. She knew it from the photos on Facebook as she didn’t attend the wedding due to work. She was sent over to Finland for 6 months to complete a project.

“Is there anything wrong?” Anastasia was worried as Jeff would never ever call her.

“Timothy is dead.” Jeff finally found the courage to break the news.

“What happened?” she shouted over the phone.

“He killed himself.”

“… … …”

“Tomorrow will be the funeral. We’re having the wake today only.” Jeff continued.

“Ok.” And she hangs up.

Timothy Loo, age 30, was Anastasia best friend. Not many in the world know about their friendship because they kept it low. Not because they are guilty of any sin that the church will definitely condemn, but they were just too close for other to misunderstand. 

Of course, Anastasia loved him. She loved him in a way that she never loved anyone else. But it wasn’t a love that she will risk his marriage. She just cared about him a lot. 

This feeling was mutual for Timothy as well. When he first met Anastasia, he thought she’ll be like any other girl that he known. But she wasn’t. 

“She brought out the storm in people, because she knew wherever there were dark skies and wild winds, lied a truth, a truth that describes such love one can leave behind the moment they accept all the pain they have lived. And that is all she ever wanted. For everyone around her to embrace their storms and make them fall in love with their own violent winds.” - R.M. Drake 

He saw this and thought to himself that this described her the best.

He was OKAY with his life before meeting her. Plans to get married and settle down with his now wife were all well planned. But when she came into his life, things started to crumble down. He wasn’t as okay as he thought he was. He was nowhere near okay. He was acting out a life that he didn’t even enjoy. She broke down his walls and came into his heart, making him realise that deep down he was just empty and broken.

They’ve shared secrets that no one else knew about. He shared his darkest and deepest shame and she always told him the truth that he refused to acknowledge. In return, he gave her the courage to pursue her dreams, to be a teacher and impact lives for eternity.

- - -

It was 8 in the morning.

Anastasia slipped into her little black dress, put on a little makeup, wore her sneakers, took a deep breath and walked out of her apartment.

There were a lot of people in the funeral. Some familiar faces that she recognise but most were strangers to her.

She saw his wife crying, bursting out in tears, still wondering why her husband choose to end his life like that.

Jessica thought they were doing fine. Timothy was a successful business owner and Jessica was a shining diamond in her field as well.

They were the ones that others looked up to, but now all have become dust.

- - -

Anastasia stood across the funeral, she remembered their last conversation and she walked away. 

When will we learn?

Is this the smell of war?

Smoke was everywhere and for some unknown reasons every visible surface were covered by sand.

She looked around her. There were around 20 of them cramping in that tiny room with their belongings.

Some brought with them everything they could carry, some just brought with them necessities and some came with nothing.

She wasn’t among strangers. Somehow fate brought them together and she was among family and friends.

A war was declared against her country. They tried to flee the country but it was too late.

Some of her friends were crazy enough to return to their homeland just so that they could be with family.

Supplies, food, and water were shared freely.

Money has lost its value and everyone was same, no richer nor poorer.

“Her flight was attacked!” someone came shouting.

One of her friends was on that flight. A Loud cry was heard as the family members cried out in unbelief.

It took her by surprise. She looked at them, not knowing what to do, she ran out from the room.

She went to the stairway, it was dark and dusty. But it was quiet and that’s what she needed.

Shivering, she took out her phone, found his number and dialed.

“Hello.” She said the moment he picked up the call.

“Anything? I’m sleeping.” He murmured.

“I’m…” She tried to find words that describe her feelings but she found none.

“I’m really tired.” He said.

“…” She was speechless.

“We talk another time okay?” And he hung up the phone.

Disappointed but expected.

She didn’t shed a tear. 

She stood up and walked back to the room.

On her way back, she heard a loud noise.

BOOM

Out of the sudden, they were attacked.

She followed the crowd and ran out of the building.

BOOM

Right in front of her, buildings were crashing down, cars were on fire and people were running all over the place.

She looked at what was happening, trying to comprehend, trying to understand. 

She took a deep breath.

“No turning back.” She whispered and she kept running.

.

.

.

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.

In the midst of fallen building and crushed walls, her phone rang.

On the other side was him who was overseas and ignorant of what was happening in his homeland.

“She’ll call back soon.” He murmured.

But she never did and he only knew why when he read the news.

When will we learn? When will we learn that some goodbyes are forever, unintentionally?

She's magic and you knew it

"What makes her different?" 

He wondered.

He vividly recalled the first time he saw her.

She was walking around in the art gallery, focusing her gaze on an art piece that he love.

She caught his eyes because she was smiling all the time and that smile, is something he will not trade for the world.

At that time, he thought that's the only time he'll ever saw her.

But to his surprise, it wasn't.

It was the first day of the semester.

He looked through the list of students on the door and sighed.

Being assigned to be the class monitor is not something that he enjoyed.

"What a waste of time."

He complained as he found himself a seat and sat.

"Is this seat taken?"

He looked up and there she stood, ignorant of the fact that she just took his breath away.

It didn't felt like it but 1 year passed by like a flash of lightning.

Too fast.

Too short.

He feels uneasy as now she no longer plays a role in his life.

Buried under mountains of workloads, he wasn't sure what life is all about anymore.

Life feels busy yet empty.

"I couldn't even explain to you how good it feels to look up across the room and see you standing there."

He murmured, imagining her standing right in front of him.

Trapped

The sun shone through the windows and gently kissed her on her cheek to wake her up.

She struggled like a child as she rolled herself up in her blanket. She wanted 5 more minutes of sleep before starting the day.

She took a deep breath, ready to journey back to dream land. 

“This does not smell right.” The blanket near her nose did not smell like her cloudy blanket.

She opened her eyes so wide as if she was just bitten by a cat.

She sat up and her heart sank as she realised she wasn't home.

“Where am I?”

She looked at her surroundings and realised she was all alone.

Confused, she ran towards the door which was located on the right corner of the room.

She opened the door thinking she might be able to find out where she was but behind the door was a wall.

She then saw another door at the other end of the room. She ran towards it like a rat run towards a piece of cheese. Again, it was a wall behind the door.

“This doesn't make sense.” she thought.

“If there’s no door, how am I going to get out?” her legs gone weak and she couldn't stand.

She sat on the floor and she held her knee closely to her chest. 

Losing her mind, she mumbles...

“Where am I?”

“How can I get myself out?”

“How did I end up here?”

“What am I doing here?”

"Who brought me here?"

"What do they want from me?"

"If there is no door, how did I get in?"

"Where am I?"
“Who am I?”

All these while, he stood on the other side of the wall and watched.

“You can’t run away from me anymore.” he smiled and walked away.