Ways to live

Today I learned that there's many ways to live life.

You can choose to live to please yourself.

You can choose to live to please others.

or

You can choose to live to please God.

I wonder, which one is worst?
Pleasing yourself or pleasing others?

Today I learned that frustration and anger comes from disappointment.

Disappointment that came from wrongly set goals.

Goals that were set outside of what I can control.

Like the weather, I cannot control how others respond.

Especially when the "other" is God.

I've been very frustrated and angry towards God.

I asked Him again and again why had He brought me out to this path yet did not provide a clearer vision or even more provision.

I expect things to be better now, I expect God would have responded in a way or another for my obedience towards His calling.

But no.

He haven't.

I panicked.

Looking at the little that I have, I panicked.

Looking at the abundance that others have, I panicked.

Listening to all sorts disappointment that I am, I panicked.

I wanted to take things back from God's hand into my own.

I cannot wait anymore.

How much longer do I need to wait?

I shouted, I yelled, I cried.

No response from Him.

No special text or special prayer.

No special word or special verse.

Nothing.

And there's one other thing missing as well.

P.E.A.C.E.

To please God, is to stay when He said so even though is hard to stay.

To please God, is to stay when He said so even though I don't know why I stay.

To please God, is to stay when He said so even though I don't feel like it.

To please God.

To please God.

To please God.

Surrender.