The struggles of starting out as a freelancer

When the thought of getting my laptop from my living room (where I work) to my bedroom crossed my mind, I knew it’ll be a very long night.

I’m overwhelmed by the things around me. Everything is changing and the transition period is tougher than I thought.

When my contract ended in June, I wasn’t ready to hop onto any job opportunity. I went for a few interviews but it didn’t work out. I sort of gave up looking for jobs because just by thinking about the interview process will stress me out. I wanted to take my time and really think it through.

Then, an opportunity knocked on my door. I was out catching up with my friend and she offered me a job to help her on her startup. I was interested. It was something new and so I jumped into it. So far, it’s been a great learning process as I’m doing something that I’m not familiar with and I enjoy it very much. I was able to make use of my self-taught Adobe skills and work of different ideas . 

The freedom that comes with freelancing is great as well. I work from home most of the time which allow me to work on my personal projects as well.

But is not a bed of roses. The struggle is real.

Sometimes I will be thinking if I’m fooling myself thinking I am able to pull this off.

Sometimes I think that me being a freelancer is actually a burden on to my family.

Sometimes I think maybe is better for me to take a REAL job so that I can have a stable income.

Sometimes I doubt if I do have something to offer to other people.

Sometimes I just think I am wasting my life away doing nothing.

I struggle with all these thoughts A LOT.

When I look at my sister, I think she deserves a better life. I believe she’ll be able to save more money if I wasn’t a burden to her. But as I spoke to her just now, her willingness to pay for my expenses shows me how much she trusts and believes in me. Yet here I am doubting my own ability if I can really make this through.

Coming out to work by myself is not something easy especially at this age of mine where all of my friends have stable jobs and income. I can’t help but question about this decision that I’ve made. But I also can’t stop remembering the prayers I’ve said telling God I want to have my own business.

I think in all that we want to do, whether is to be on our own feet or to be a great housewife, we must first believe in ourselves.

BELIEVE

*photos taken and edited by me with my iPhone 5*