The Roseto Effect

I was doing some little research for my boss this week on The Roseto Effect and I personally find it super interesting as well!

So basically, The Roseto effect is named after the town Roseto, Pennsylvania. A doctor, Dr. Steve Wolf went there and realize that the rate of heart diseases of that town was 50% lower and he decided to find out why.

So they collected the data they needed and begun their research. At first, they thought it was their diet that makes the difference but as they dug deeper, they found out that these Rosetans have a very unhealthy lifestyle! Totally the opposite of what we usually read health experts. They smoke, drink a little too much wine and they eat a lot of fats! They break every rule in the rule book but still live longer than others.

Dr. Steve Wolf even compared Roseto data with other neighboring township with the idea that it may be the natural resources such as water and soil that make this significant reduce of heart diseases. But the result turned out negative.

Amazing isn’t?

What they finally concluded was this, the Rosetans are nurtured by themselves. In other words, the people are nurtured by people. 

The Rosetans have a culture and environment that is no longer common nowadays. They are very close as a community. Meals are shared, people are helping each other and they know each other as well. Not only that, each household lived 3 generations! The older generation is not regarded as irrelevant but was appreciated for their wisdom and age.

It was said that because of the close relationship and community that they have, it leaves no room for individual to be overwhelmed by everyday problem by themselves. Instead, the support of a group of people reduces that stress which is often the number one cause of heart diseases.

One thing I like the most about The Rosetans is this, they do not flash wealth! And I thought this was amazing! They do not know who is wealthier than the other because everyone’s houses and cars are about the same. There isn’t any pressure or stress because of comparison. I can’t help but wondered if social media had led us to compare with others when everyone is flashing what they have on the internet. 

Back to The Roseto effect, when they were conducting this research back in the late 1960s, they predicted that this phenomenon will not last any longer because the younger generation is not contented with the tradition uphold. Soon enough, people started building bigger houses and fencing it up, have big cars and the pursuit of wealth took over. The bond between the Rosetans started to break and lo and behold, their rate of heart diseases soar up.

WOW! Isn’t amazing to see such a direct relationship between our physical health with our mental health that is highly depended on our relationships and community. 

I always call myself a loner because I really enjoy being alone. But looking at this, makes me think twice whether it is necessary for me to make an effort to make a difference in my social life. I think, not only I should be more friendly and open up my comfort zone, I also need to be super selective of the people I hang out with. If I hang out with people that keep comparing me with others than it wouldn’t be helpful kan? 

I found a quote by Edward Gibbon, which I really really love!

”In the end, more than they wanted freedom, they wanted security. They wanted a comfortable life; and, in their quest for it all, security, comfort, freedom, they lost it all. When what the Athenians wanted finally was not to give to society but for society to give to them; when the freedom they wished for most was the freedom from responsibility, then Athenians ceased to be free." 

I really love what I’m doing now! To read on stuff like this and also doing it with people who are of the right influence! 

First week of 2017 had been overwhelmingly gracious to me! :)

2017 New Year Resolutions

They say when you can’t stop dreaming about something, you’re too stressed or too obsessed with it. 

When I was tidying up my drawers yesterday, I realized I’ve been having the same New Year’s resolutions for the past 7 to 8 years. I also realized what stopped me from realizing these resolutions is none other than, WORRY.

I always worry about not having enough, not getting as much as others, worry about the future and then I will sidetrack to some other things so that I can feel more secure and safe.

This year, after 7 freaking years, I’m back to this cycle again. Can you imagine if I did not sidetrack? I might not be amazingly and awesomely good, but at least I’ll know and move on.

But now, it still itches my heart when I think about it!

So this coming year, I will TRUST GOD a little bit more, a little longer and not freak out so quickly. Dreams come to pass over a period of time and not overnight! :)

Merry Christmas 2016!

We were driving back from our annual Christmas Eve countdown service from my church. My sister was behind the wheels and my parents were sitting behind me talking about the Christmas Eve dinner we had at my uncle’s before service.

The roads were clear and there isn’t much traffic. As I gazed out the window, I couldn’t help but reflect on my life that seems to work itself backward.

At this time last year, I have a job in a bank preparing for nationwide Chinese New Year annual dinners. At this time last year, I do not need to worry about income and tighten my wallet on Christmas presents. Have a year passed and I’m now back to the beginning?

I was then reminded of a conversation that happened last year the day before Christmas Eve. My parents were planning where to go on Christmas Eve and my mom wanted to go to our church Christmas Eve countdown service. But I wasn’t interested at all. I told them to go ahead without me even though at the end, I went with them, unwillingly.

But this year, I was eager to go church. I want to celebrate Jesus and for all the things He did for me this year. I couldn't stop being grateful for the protection He had placed in my life. Who knows how different life would be if He didn't.

Ya, it does look like I didn’t advance at all on the surface. But my heart feels a little more secure as I’m back to His heart a little closer.

Merry Christmas every one! :)

Thanks penguins! For ruining love for me!

A few weeks ago, I watched a video about a penguin who found his wife having an affair with another male penguin when he came back from the sea.

It was a bloody scene, which I couldn’t make myself watch till the end.

But that video was not the worst part of the story.

My faith in true love was crushed. And that’s the worst part.

Penguins were the symbol of true love. They only have one mate in their entire life.

And if penguins can have affairs, what’s more, human being.

I totally lost faith in true love.

But joke aside, relationships has never been an easy topic for me.

I always say that it is pretty scary to be in a relationship. 
Because to me, relationships are built on honesty and vulnerability. 

Being open to someone else is same as giving them an access card to my life, or worst still, my heart.

And I have no control what the other party will do, and that places me in a position of greater vulnerability and uncertainty.

It’s really scary.

Someone asked me who would I save if my best friend and my boyfriend were trapped in a fire and I could only save one of them.

I looked into her eyes and told her it will not be a tough decision for me, because to me, in order to be my boyfriend, that person need to first be my best friend. 

And naively I thought this is the way is supposed to be. 

Shouldn’t our life partner be the one who we can talk about every single thing without fear?

“Cons, a lot of things are supposed to be. You’re supposed to read your bible more, serve more and pray more too. But that’s life, isn’t?”

It was a revelation. Life doesn’t run according to a list of “supposed to” codes.

The struggle to find a soul mate does not only stop at finding a person who you can really click with but also have the same beliefs as you.

So what, if we can both be truthful, honest and vulnerable in a relationship? So what, if we indeed help each other through challenges and seen each other grow a little better? So what?

If one does not believe that best friend should be their life partner, that relationship no matter how compatible it feels, it just won’t work.

Of course, I don’t imagine it as a perfect journey. I’m not that naive. 

I just believe that since spouses are meant to be a life partner and grow old and mature together, isn’t that something that can only be achieved if we are truthful and honest and are willing to be vulnerable to each other?

It won’t be easy.

I am clear of that. 

But reacting towards other’s vulnerability from my own vulnerability is something I need to learn as a person as well. 

And that can only be achieved if both are willing to take the risk.

It’s hard work. It’s a commitment. It’s a risk.

It’s too scary. Better stay single.

“How would you know? That you’re not the one who will have an affair.”

Another revelation.

He’s taking the risk as well.

It’s a fair game.

And like any other sports, when one is no longer committed, it's game over, regardless whether you’re prepared for it or not.

As much as you think you’re taking the risk, so is he.

As much as you have doubt if you can stay committed, so is he.

But it’s a fair game and two can play that game.

Compassion

When I was jogging yesterday, I was reminded of the bible story where Jesus said 

“Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven - as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.” - Luke 7:47 (NIV)

I never really understood this verse. 

“Whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

“Her many sins have been forgiven - as her great love has shown.”

It only hit me yesterday that this verse is talking about compassion.

Is about knowing how to walk in other’s shoes.

It is about being able to image ourselves in their position instead of our own and try to understand how they feel.

Compassion.

If we’ve never been through rejection, we will never understand how it feels like to be rejected.

If we’ve never been through sarcasm, we will never understand how bad it hurts.

If we’ve never been through heartbreaks, we will never understand how painful it feels.

Compassion.

When I see people fighting for their right, I have compassion for them. Because I know how it feels like to have the world against who you are and what you believe.

When I see people being judged and condemned for their thoughts, ideas or even theology, I have compassion for them. Because I too know what is like to be judged and condemned just because I think a little different from the mainstream.

Compassion.

If I’ve not been through all that myself, I would not understand and sadly, I will join in by judging and condemning them for being different.

But because I know I am different and I hope people will accept my quirkiness, I too know how to accept our indifference where they do not accept my differences.

I don’t know if this makes any sense or not. But here’s my story.

Once upon a time, I was this girl burning and on fire for God. God was shaping my thinking and ideas about Him and it was nothing but a roller coaster ride. 

God kept reminding and reinforcing the idea that with Him is all about relationships. And when it comes to relationships, it is not rigid, because it is relationships.

So when people around me was debating whether or not we can go to heaven, whether or not 40 days fast must be 40 days fast, I was eager, super duper eager to tell them what’s my view and shove it down their throat. But God stopped me. If I think I know Him entirely, then who is God? Him or me?

Relationships. It is different for everyone of us. The way God relates to me is different from the way He relates to others. So if something is true for me, it might not be true to others. Therefore, I listen.

And the worst part is? Whenever I share my thoughts, people thinks that I am crazy. They looked at me as if I’m a weirdo and question me.

Through that, I learned to accept the fact that when I am different and hope that others can accept my differences, I too need to accept that they are different from me and they couldn’t accept my quirkiness. 

Because I want, so I know, thus I do.

I don’t go judging and commenting about others just because they do not think the same as I because, to them, I am the one who is having difference thoughts and I am the weird one.

Because I know how it feels like to be the weird one, therefore, I do not what to let others have the same feeling.

Compassion.

Because I’ve been the recipient of condemnation and judgement, I know not to do it even to those who did it to me.

Compassion.

The struggles of starting out as a freelancer

When the thought of getting my laptop from my living room (where I work) to my bedroom crossed my mind, I knew it’ll be a very long night.

I’m overwhelmed by the things around me. Everything is changing and the transition period is tougher than I thought.

When my contract ended in June, I wasn’t ready to hop onto any job opportunity. I went for a few interviews but it didn’t work out. I sort of gave up looking for jobs because just by thinking about the interview process will stress me out. I wanted to take my time and really think it through.

Then, an opportunity knocked on my door. I was out catching up with my friend and she offered me a job to help her on her startup. I was interested. It was something new and so I jumped into it. So far, it’s been a great learning process as I’m doing something that I’m not familiar with and I enjoy it very much. I was able to make use of my self-taught Adobe skills and work of different ideas . 

The freedom that comes with freelancing is great as well. I work from home most of the time which allow me to work on my personal projects as well.

But is not a bed of roses. The struggle is real.

Sometimes I will be thinking if I’m fooling myself thinking I am able to pull this off.

Sometimes I think that me being a freelancer is actually a burden on to my family.

Sometimes I think maybe is better for me to take a REAL job so that I can have a stable income.

Sometimes I doubt if I do have something to offer to other people.

Sometimes I just think I am wasting my life away doing nothing.

I struggle with all these thoughts A LOT.

When I look at my sister, I think she deserves a better life. I believe she’ll be able to save more money if I wasn’t a burden to her. But as I spoke to her just now, her willingness to pay for my expenses shows me how much she trusts and believes in me. Yet here I am doubting my own ability if I can really make this through.

Coming out to work by myself is not something easy especially at this age of mine where all of my friends have stable jobs and income. I can’t help but question about this decision that I’ve made. But I also can’t stop remembering the prayers I’ve said telling God I want to have my own business.

I think in all that we want to do, whether is to be on our own feet or to be a great housewife, we must first believe in ourselves.

BELIEVE

*photos taken and edited by me with my iPhone 5*

[TSB: WEEKLY CHALLENGE] WEEK 0: In the beginning

It was a blissful Thursday morning when I was preparing myself to meet Pearl for lunch.

While I was scrolling through Facebook, I saw a post about a girl living out my dream.

Yes! mine! not hers!

On my way to our meeting point, I did what I always do.

I complained to God.

Questioning Him why others can have such lucky breaks, when I don't.

But unlike any other days, that day, my mindset changed.

Instead of kept complaining, diminishing myself and kept thinking I'm not good enough, I thought to myself "Hey, doesn't that put me in a better position to achieve my dreams?"

Though it didn't happen to me (yet), but aren't the current me in a better position to achieve that dream?

It didn't stop there.

My mind had been preoccupied with some unnecessary stuff for the past few weeks.

After meeting up with Pearl and Riz and agreeing to help them on their brand, my mind suddenly switched to another mode.

Instead of thinking those unnecessary thoughts and being disturbed by it, my mind started to be filled with ideas and excitement!

Something that had been gone for a while.

And it still didn't stop there.

I went to collect my SCMKL kit after that and I got lost on my way back because my phone was out of battery.

I was pouring out to God and telling Him about what I've been thinking lately.

Suddenly a thought popped up

"If you die tomorrow, will you have regretted the time(way) you spent the past few days?"

My answer was NO.

I enjoyed every single moment of it!

I've been drawing a lot, doodling and also meeting up with people.

And I enjoy doing all of that!

It didn't stop here.

Another question came to mind

"When you look back 3 years from now, will you regret?"

And my answer was YES.

Because I'm not having enough "fun" during this transition.

I mean, other than just drawing and lettering, there's actually so much more that I have in mind but for some reasons, I wasn't doing any of it!

And so I decided I shall do more.

How? I didn't know.

But it didn't stop there.

That very night when I was trying to get some sleep after such a long day, I couldn't.

I just couldn't because there was a flow of ideas running through my mind and my heart play along by being very excited about it.

And thus, the birth of weekly challenge.

How does it work?

Watch this!

Ah~ The ripple effect of a changed mind.

AMAZING!

How an insect ruined my morning

I just had a "WHAT THE FUCK" moment.

I was reading a book and just want to chill in this blissful morning when suddenly something flew into my room and landed on my pants which were on my bed.

I had a good look at it and WTF! It's a cockroach! Damn it!

My instinct told me to kill it and I threw my book on top of it. Stupid move.

It didn't kill it. DUH! It scared it! SHIT!

When I remove my book, it ran away and went to the bottom of my bed! WTH!

I removed my pillows, blanket, and mattress so that I can look for it but as you know cockroaches are like damn annoying! You just can't find them when you want to.

So I ended up cleaning the bottom of my bed and could I found my long lost ruler. Another thing to cross out from my to-buy list.

But I'm adding cockroaches must die poison or some high-tech devices to my to-buy list.

SHIT you cockroach! For spoiling my day and ruined my plans.

And mom, in my defense, it flew in out of nowhere. My room is not messy!

What went through my mind during SCMKL 2016

*Warning! Vulgar words ahead!*

* Do not read if you will start judging me.*

*I repeat. Do not read if you will start judging me.*

*But even if you will, I don't give a damn!*

“shit lar. what have I done? Why on earth did I register for this run?”

“Maybe I should just skip it. Not like anyone is going with me also.”

“Even if they ask, I’ll just say I’ve overslept la! No one needs to know I woke up at 4:30am de ma!”

“Oh! I got bananas! I should eat bananas before I run.”

“How many should I eat a?”

“Maybe 2 should be enough.”

“Where is my runner’s pack?”

“Wah! Thank God I got XXS! Fit me just nice!”

“Shit lar! where should I pin my number a?”

“Check from Instagram!”

“Last time when I ran, did I wear specs a?”

“Fuck! Don’t remember! Don’t care just wear!”

“The bananas so small.I think I should take another 2 more.”

“Oh my God! Last time I got stomach ache when I ate too much banana!”

“Shit lor! Will I want to shit during the run a?”

“Aiya! The bananas so small, should be ok gua.”

“I think I should take 2 more bananas to the run just in case I’m hungry later.”

“Aiyo. Still so early. Should I wake ah Che now a?”

“Really want to go a? Can I don’t go?”

.

.

.

“Oh! gate all open! Nice! I wanna take picha!

“Never mind! lazy.”

“Wah! The girl look damn pretty le!

“Oh my God! Is that girl wearing make-up?”

“Fuck lar! Am I late a? Why no train de?”

“Oh! That person’s call time same as mine.”

“So many people… I stand inside.”

“Shit! So cold. Oh! Got corner! I stand at the corner!”

“Wah! This couple not bad le! So old still join Marathon.”

“Oops! They’re not a couple”

“Yer… simply throw rubbish”

“Oh my God! The plastic is going to fly out of the train.”

“Aiya. Where’s the rubbish bin?

“Ah. My previous company. Why are they sitting there?”

“Oh God! This girl so good! Pick up his specs and passed to him.”

“Wah! The plastic bag provided is so big!”

“Oh! That counter don’t have any people.”

“Aiks! I've forgotten about my bananas.”

“Follow the crowd.”

“Bae’s company le!”

“Oh my God! So many people.”

“Can I go back? Fuck lar!”

“Har? Have to go all the way back to get in?”

“Oh! I think can go in from here.”

“Stretch my leg. Stretch my leg.”

“How to warm up a? Shit! Never mind, just follow whatever that girl is doing.”

“Eh! That boy looks familiar!”

“What’s the time now?”

“Not too late to bail right?”

“MC so funny!”

“I think I like her!”

“5 more minutes!”

“Why are these people keep walking to the front? Got any difference meh?”

“Uncle, don’t keep moving le! Keep on touching me!”

“Oops! I think I should stop moving. I kept touching uncle.”

“5… 4… 3… 2… 1… not moving also”

“I think I should follow that guy, he looks like damn on.”

“Where’s the MC? I want to see MC!”

“Aiya… he runs so fast! Change target!”

“What the fuck! Can I go back?”

“If I pengsan, then they’ll call ah che, then my bag how a?”

“Walao! Seriously why on earth did I sign up for this lar!”

“Loo said must match my breathing with my steps.”

“Forget about it. confuse me only!”

“Yer! I don’t want to listen to this! Next!”

“Eh? No more sound de? Opps! I pressed pause. Haha”

“Seriously not going to sign up anymore!”

“Constance Lim! Don’t think too much! Concentrate!”

“I’ll run till this song finish then I walk a bit.”

“Cannot ah! Tired!”

“What the fuck. Why am I doing this to myself?”

“I think I should write a blog post about this!”

“My shoelace!”

“Miss, don’t block me!”

“Aiyo! Uncle be careful!”

“Hehe! I think uncle is surprised by my kindness.”

.

.

.

“God! Give me strength please!”

.

.

.

“Change song!”

.

.

.

“Seriously! Why did I do to myself?”

"Kill me please!"

.

.

.

“Can I just walk all the way back?”

“I don’t give a damn if people judge me.”

"What have I done?! Seriously!"

.

.

.

“Don’t think too much! Just concentrate!”

.

.

.

“Snap out of it Constance!”

“Run!”

.

.

.

“Oh! got water!”

“Oh! got toilet!”

“Should I go?”

“Should I turn back?”

“Fuck it!”

.

.

.

“Shit! Shouldn't have taken the 100 plus!”

“Stomach pain! Pain!”

*burp*

.

.

.

“I think I ran 5 km already.”

“How long had it been a?”

“I think should be 5 km already. I’ve heard like 8 songs already”

.

.

.

"Eh? to the right!"

"21 km people!"

"So geng!"

.

.

.

“I can do this!”

“Just give me a reason~”

.

.

.

“Pain! Arch pain!”

“I think it won’t hurt that much when I run”

“Seriously. Better.”

“Run!”

“Tired! Should I stop?”

“I’ll stop after the traffic light.”

.

.

.

“I’ll run after the turning.”

“Pain! Pain! Pain!”

.

.

.

“Eh! Uncle high 5 people! I also want.”

“I think he thinks I’m weird!”

.

.

.

“They so nice! Cheer us on!”

“Jia you! Jia you! Jia you!”

“Run ah!”

.

.

.

“Oh! Water station!”

“No more 100 plus!”

“WATER!!!!”

“I want one more!”

“Sponge?”

“Nice!!!!”

“Shit! Should have applied right side as well.”

“So imbalance!”

“Big fan! Good marketing strategy! I like.”

.

.

.

“Run! run! run!”

“I can do it!”

“Don’t care bout the time!”

.

.

.

“Oh my God! Stomach pain!”

“Shit! feels like vomiting!”

“Drank too much water already!”

“Gas! Stuck at chest!”

“Ants…”

“Okay… keep running.”

“Go to the side! Go to the side!”

“Ah… Better now.”

“Run! Run! Run!”

“Either way, I’ll reach the end!”

“Why most of them walking already de?”

"I think I'm the weird one"

"Feel so good now!"

"Finally woke up! Haha!"

.

.

.

“Oh! Half moon!”

“Haha! I will tell him about this!”

“oh… ya…”

.

.

.

“I can do it! I can do it!”

“Run until the flag there!”

“till the other flag.”

.

.

.

“Is half moon again!”

.

.

.

“Where’s half moon?”

.

.

.

“Wah! Leopard”

“Bye leopard!”

.

.

.

“Excuse me.”

.

.

.

“3 km left!”

.

.

.

“Are they walking back?”

“I knew it! He’s playing Pokemon Go!”

.

.

.

“I can do this! I can do this! I can do this!”

.

.

.

“Finish line!”

“Which one is mine a?”

“Constance Lim! Run till the end! Don’t stop!”

“Wah! so many people there already!”

“They’re cheering! I feel like a superstar!”

“Constance Lim! Concentrate!”

“That girl want to sprint all the way?”

“Eh! She stopped already.”

“A little more! A little more!”

“What’s that number? The number of people arrived?”

“Oh! It’s the time! haha!”

“Oh my goodness. I’m so slow”

“Yes!!!”

.

.

.

“Water! Free bag. Water again? I don’t want the banana. 100 plus!”

“Wah! So many people!”

“Pokemon Go.”

“Should I come back and take a picture later?”

“I can’t feel my legs”

“Nope. I’m not coming back later”

"What's the view like from office tower."

“I want to sit.”

“Join next year?”

“Next year only ask me.”

“I just want to sleep.”

You are me and more

Sometimes you need to get through your fear to see the beauty at the other side

You are me and more

If you ain't scared of a croc biting on your face, you ain't alive

You can't get rid of fear, it's like mother nature, you can't beat her or outrun her, but you can get through it, you can find out what you've made of.

---

The Good Dinosaur is a movie that I never thought will make me cry. And it did.

Arlo and Spot relationship is simple yet complex. 

Like any of our relationships.

They were each other's companion and comrade.

Though Spot indirectly caused the death of Arlo's dad.

At first, Arlo wants Spot to stay back with him because he got used to his companion.

But later, Arlo wanted Spot to leave because he wanted the best for Spot.

That selflessness that Arlo have for Spot is beautiful.

In the cause of helping Arlo to conquer his fear, Poppa Henry wanted Arlo to kill Spot.

Yet, it was Spot that helped and accompanied Arlo in the journey of overcoming his fear.

Poppa Henry started the journey with Arlo, but Spot was with him until the end.

The complexity of this relationship... is beautiful too.

---

I thought of drawing Arlo and Spot just for the fun of it since I have time to spare.

I started sketching and it turned out better than I expected.

I then struggled if I should color it because I was afraid by adding colors, I'll ruin the sketch.

But since the message from the movie that hit my heart was to be fearless, I decided to do it anyway.

And it turned out better than I expected as well.

I wanted to leave it as it is with the same reason of not wanting to ruin it.

Showed to my sister and she encouraged me to color the background. And I did.

And now it looks complete. :)

A shorty short summary of 2015

Hello!

Is been awhile since I last posted something here.

The last time I wrote something here was around 2 months ago?

And that was like a book review thingy and not a real post on myself, thoughts or even life.

Since I have some time to spare today (the second last of 2015), I shall briefly write down how I think of 2015.

I remember starting 2015 with a very excited heart.

I took a step of faith and focused more on my drawings.

I was hoping I can make something out of it, but it did not happen as I wished.

But God is good.

He opened a door for me and now my drawings (on notebooks) are available in Singapore!

And my career path took a drastic twist.

I resigned from my higher paying but a rather mundane job to something new.

I enrolled myself into a trainee program which will only end of June next year.

I still think is pretty miraculous that I got into the program as one of the requirement is to have less than 3 years working experience.

I had 2 years and 11 months.

On relationship, people come and people go.

The ones that I started my new year with are not the ones I'm going to end this year with.

I think time proved to me that some people are not meant to stay and letting go is best for both of us.

And I believe this year, I've learned I am most lovable when I'm myself.

And being secure in God help me to be comfortable to be myself though I'm not perfect.

And by being me, I've found friends that I would never imagine having.

I am grateful for a lot of people that appear in my life this year.

In particular, these 3, which happened to all appear in my life through the training program.

KY

The crazy girl that know me inside out.

She knows me and she tolerates me.

She knows to respect my space when I need to be alone.

She knows how to read my facial expression.

Most importantly, she knows how to be herself and make people around her laugh.

Ayu

The nicest girl I know.

We don't always talk to each other.

But when we talk, we talk the deepest things that are close to our heart.

I can be brutally honest and mean to her and we will laugh about it.

She listens to my crazy stories and idea and she understands me well.

Not being racist or anything, but I never had a Malay friend like her!

X

The troublemaker.

I've been through a lot of crap this year because of him.

But we had lots of fun together.

We can talk and laugh about almost everything.

He reads my mind and he gives good advises.

And to those who stayed.

Kevin

He always knows what to say and when to say it.

He loves me for who I am and I believe he is proud of me as well.

We might not talk very often, but I know when I need someone to talk to, he is the one I can count on.

Sis

She has to stay no matter what.

This year, she's been listening to all my stories and frustration.

She's been a great support of my dream, mentally and financially.

I know I am safe, because of her.

And I think this pretty much sum up my 2015.

A really really really short summary.

But the memories of it will last.

I can pretty much say that 2015 had been a great year and one of the most awesome year I had.

Although I didn't travel much this year, but I had fun.

With those who loves me and those I love!

2016 will be a greater year!

No doubt bout it!

The girly part of me

Every girl experiences physical cycle. 

The “visitation” that we’ll have every month. 

Well, some only have it every year.

But ya! You should get what I mean.

I on another hand, have a different cycle other than the one we all girls have.

Is not physical, but is mental.

As I started my new job, most of them think that I’m an extrovert.

I’m very outgoing and can talk to almost everyone.

But I have my own emotional cycle too.

At times, I feel like conquering the social media world and post something every day.

At times, I feel like quitting all my social media and disappear from the virtual world.

Today is the day where I feel like deleting my Facebook, Instagram and also Dayre account.

I cannot stand the idea of having social media, I don’t know why.

Is not like I’m super famous and have lots of stalkers or anything, I just want to delete my account.

Partly because I don’t know what’s the use of it and partly because I hate the image I (think I) patriated through my social media.

But blogging is fine.

Because not many people know I blog here and after neglecting my blog for almost a month, I don’t think anyone will come up here anymore anyway.

So here I am.

Pouring out this mixed feeling that I have every now and then.

My friends find me a little confusing.

There are days that I’ll suggest all sort of activities for everybody and then all of a sudden I don’t want to join them anymore.

They are so afraid of me pulling out that they will set the date immediately after I give any suggestions.

I’m a bit afraid.

I admit this.

Afraid of the goodbyes that we’ll need to say in 3 months’ times.

Afraid of the bond that couldn’t sustain after the whole program ends.

Most of all, I’m afraid that I’ll depend on them so much that I couldn’t get myself together after we walk our own path.

Most of my friends who knows me said this “you are very girl, do you know that?”

I don’t really understand what they mean by that until recently.

One of my friend to me that when she first knew me, she thinks that I’m a very boyish kind of girl.

But when she got to know me better, she realized that I’m actually very sensitive emotionally.

And that part of me is said to be very “girl”.

Actually I notice this part of me.

That’s why I prefer more touchy feeling kind of movies over action movies.

And that’s also the reason I hate watching movies because I’ll be so emotionally involved that sometimes I feel emo after a movie.

Arghhh… This girly part of me.

All of the sudden, I feel so insecure.