Thanks penguins! For ruining love for me!

A few weeks ago, I watched a video about a penguin who found his wife having an affair with another male penguin when he came back from the sea.

It was a bloody scene, which I couldn’t make myself watch till the end.

But that video was not the worst part of the story.

My faith in true love was crushed. And that’s the worst part.

Penguins were the symbol of true love. They only have one mate in their entire life.

And if penguins can have affairs, what’s more, human being.

I totally lost faith in true love.

But joke aside, relationships has never been an easy topic for me.

I always say that it is pretty scary to be in a relationship. 
Because to me, relationships are built on honesty and vulnerability. 

Being open to someone else is same as giving them an access card to my life, or worst still, my heart.

And I have no control what the other party will do, and that places me in a position of greater vulnerability and uncertainty.

It’s really scary.

Someone asked me who would I save if my best friend and my boyfriend were trapped in a fire and I could only save one of them.

I looked into her eyes and told her it will not be a tough decision for me, because to me, in order to be my boyfriend, that person need to first be my best friend. 

And naively I thought this is the way is supposed to be. 

Shouldn’t our life partner be the one who we can talk about every single thing without fear?

“Cons, a lot of things are supposed to be. You’re supposed to read your bible more, serve more and pray more too. But that’s life, isn’t?”

It was a revelation. Life doesn’t run according to a list of “supposed to” codes.

The struggle to find a soul mate does not only stop at finding a person who you can really click with but also have the same beliefs as you.

So what, if we can both be truthful, honest and vulnerable in a relationship? So what, if we indeed help each other through challenges and seen each other grow a little better? So what?

If one does not believe that best friend should be their life partner, that relationship no matter how compatible it feels, it just won’t work.

Of course, I don’t imagine it as a perfect journey. I’m not that naive. 

I just believe that since spouses are meant to be a life partner and grow old and mature together, isn’t that something that can only be achieved if we are truthful and honest and are willing to be vulnerable to each other?

It won’t be easy.

I am clear of that. 

But reacting towards other’s vulnerability from my own vulnerability is something I need to learn as a person as well. 

And that can only be achieved if both are willing to take the risk.

It’s hard work. It’s a commitment. It’s a risk.

It’s too scary. Better stay single.

“How would you know? That you’re not the one who will have an affair.”

Another revelation.

He’s taking the risk as well.

It’s a fair game.

And like any other sports, when one is no longer committed, it's game over, regardless whether you’re prepared for it or not.

As much as you think you’re taking the risk, so is he.

As much as you have doubt if you can stay committed, so is he.

But it’s a fair game and two can play that game.