Excuse me?

Finally have a brief moment of silent in the midst of classes, exams and travelling to clear my mind.

I miss doodling, reading and writing.

I won’t deny, I wondered if is all worth it.

But I’ll leave that thought to another time.

After I dedicated my life to God 7 years ago, I’ve heard a lot of different statements from different people about Him.

“How many of you here (all follower of Christ) are sure that if you die today, you’ll go to heaven? (I wanted to lift up my hand) I know I’m not. (what?! O.o)”

“Healing is for the unbelievers. You never see Jesus heal any believers in the bible.” (What?! But I need God to heal my eyes!)

Statements like these make me confused.

Back than, I was a little baby in Christ thus I do not know whether what they said is theologically right or wrong.

But I remember wondering if this God I’ve believed is really as what they’ve describe.

Since young, my mama told me never believe blindly what people preach.

And I think because of that, I started asking God questions.

Questions like if the bible says “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” then why are we in such a hurry to correct people’s outward expression without dealing with their heart? Why are we only interested in whether a person is still acting in sin or not but not whether they are still sinning in their heart?

Questions like why God gave us feeling if we cannot live by our feelings?

I never once thought that we can’t question about the bible until my recent conversation with some people.

I guess the “no questions asked” memo did not reached me.

I once thought that as a Christian, I need to know it all.

If I didn’t, I’m not a good Christian and I’m a weaker or worse Christian compared to others.

I often felt a little intimidated and insecure.

I especially hated when people said things like “Why you don’t know?! you SOT graduate le!”

Now, I’ll just reply “So? Cannot don’t know de meh?”

Or I’ll just tell them I didn't pay attention in class. LOL

But as I know God, I think is ok not knowing everything about Him.

I mean God is so big! How can I know it all?

Am I greater than God? No!

Little confession here, there are times that I think that I’m better than others.

But the truth is I’m not.

If I think I know better, I’ve not known God.

That’s why I’ve learned to listen to other people perspective rather than stuff my believes down people’s throat.

And to my amazement, there’s so many people with very different believes and view!

I really find it interesting!

But I still got to admit that I can be a little proud sometimes. *sorry*

Urgh.. I digressed.

The thing is this, I really believe is OK to question God.

People often say Christianity is a relationship not a religion.

What sort of relationship will it be if we can’t even ask questions?

What sort of relationship if we can’t even be real to Him right?

So ask question, and keep asking.

I don’t always get the answers to my questions, but God will always bring me closer to Him. 

And since is a relationship, then we shouldn't expect it to be the same for everyone.

Even I as a finite being relate to different people differently, let alone our infinite God!

I don't expect Him to relate to me as He relates to others.

He speaks in a language that I understand, which might seems weird to others.

But that's ok, cause that's the way we relate to each other. :]