Wednesday's snacks



Better have some nuts before I get nuts!

 

A bus ride home

If the phrase raining cats and dogs are derived from the wight of the rain on an opened umbrella, then the weather right now is raining ants and bed bugs. Not heavy, just drizzling. The wind blow in such a way that makes everyone feel sleepy. 'Thank God I don't have to drive today' she thought to herself while waiting by the bus stop. 

She stood out among all those who are waiting together. With everyone in suits and ties and formal attire, she's the only one that look more casual wearing her favorite Puma shoes, with her striking green jeans and her favorite white long singlet. 

U477, she keep recalling this meaningless combination of alphabet and number just in case she forgets it again and have to take out her phone to check from the print screen saved in her phone photo album. 'Man! Technology make humans dumb' this thought often comes to her mind and fool around.

Is been a while since she last took a bus. Why go waste time waiting when she can drive herself any where she wants to? If it wasn't for her brother sudden surprise and took her car, she would be back home by now sleeping. She looked at her watch, 20 minutes has passed and no sign of the bus that she could hopped onto.

Oh! Don't take her impatient as a sign of dislike towards bus rides. No no! She actually find it exciting to be able to take the bus again. All those memories she had and friendships formed on bus during her good old days can't be replaced by those lonely car ride on the road. She just feel sleepy,very sleepy. That's all.

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The LED light of the bus obviously needs to be repaired, only U4 7 is visible. Somehow the other '7' is swollen by the faulty LED light. She grabs her bag and with some small change in hand, she step on to the bus. Looking at the LED light, she kind of miss the days when they write the numbers on a cardboard instead of this disappointing LED light.

The driver is a old uncle. Maybe in his sixties but he look young and energetic. He reminds her of her grandfather who used to come by and bring her presents. She smiled at him, paid for the ride and scan through the bus for empty seats.

To her surprise, the bus wasn't crowded at all. There were only few people on board. And her being her, took a clear look of every one of them.

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There were 2 boys sitting at the first row on the left hand side of the bus. The one beside the window is a little boy with a spec in his school uniform. The unforgettable white shirt and blue shorts. Specky was reading some sort of comic book,  maybe Detective Conan or some other Japanese comic. The other boy sitting next to him was a little bit chubby. He looks like a student from some other school as his pants was in dark purple instead of blue. He was holding some snacks in his hand, trying to get a peak on the comic book Specky is holding. 'So they weren't friends' She thought to herself. But just before her eyes glance to the other side, she saw something that made her smiled. Chubby handed over his snacks and offer it to Specky. Specky looked at him, took some chips for himself and offered to share his comic book with Chubby. A beautiful friendship is born.

On the other side of the bus and there was a girl sitting alone by the window enjoying the scenery that only nature could offer. With her hair neatly tied up into a pony tail, this young girl look like she's still studying in college, maybe in her 1st year at most 2nd year.  This girl seems to enjoy whatever that she saw because once in a while, she would turn around  and look back. Something interesting must had taken place. Her expression was precious as she reacted towards whatever that she saw. A smile on her face, maybe someone at the road side helped an old lady to carry her bags. Her face turned doleful, perhaps she just witnessed a breakup? Whatever it is, she seems like having a lot of fun!

Further down, maybe 3 rows behind the college girl was a mother with her little boy in his kindergarten uniform. The little boy was excitingly telling his mother about his day in school and how the bully in his classed was punished by the teacher today. The mom smiled and listened to the story attentively. Not only that, she even asked him for more details! The boy after all the story telling, started to pull out his artwork from his tiny little donkey school bag and showed it to his mom. She smiled at him, told him how proud she was and gave some advises on how he can draw better next time. What a bonding between a mom and son.

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'Taman Reality! Taman Reality!' The voice of the bus driver woke her up! She was shocked and confused at the same time. When did the old uncle driver became a lady? She clumsily took up her bag and walk to the front. She passed by all the passengers and she caught a last glimpse of all of them before leaving the bus.

The mother and son who sat in front of her weren't talking to each other. The mom was busy reading the updates of her Facebook friends while her little boy was trying his best to catch her attention with his 100% Maths paper. But sadly, the mom just simply ignored him.

The girl sat by the window side wasn't looking out of the window. But her eyes couldn't even leave her phone screen for a second. Facebook? Instagram? or Candy Crush? Who knows! No one can tell from that stone expression of hers.

And as for Specky and Chubby who were sitting in front, weren't sharing the same comic book and snacks. But Chubby have his earphone on with loud music, loud enough to know that it is the famous hits by Miley Cyrus. Specky on the other hand busy sliding his finger on his iPad trying to kill some zombies or some other things.

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She walked down from the bus and she stood at the bus stop sending the bus away with her eyes. She sigh. 'What a price to pay for the convenient of technology', she thought to herself.

She looked left and right before she cross the road and head back to her apartment.

What a shame. Bus rides are no longer an adventure.

'No way I'm doing this again'

-Finish-

Just my 2 cents worth on the change technology has brought to us. Mainly smart phones.

So sad that people no longer enjoy the companion of each other but they rather spend their time and energy on the cold, emotionless devise.

People no longer take courage to make new friends when surrounded with strangers but they rather find comfort and hide their feel of awkwardness with their Facebook likes and Instagram photos. 

Some no longer enjoy the moment but busy capturing the moment which they had failed to enjoy. Ironic isn't it?

Technology oh technology, how I hate and love you at the same time. 

Love,

Constance

My confession

I started my new job with a dream. A dream that I can have a fix income and a fix not-so-long working hours while still doing what I LOVE to do, e.g: blogging and drawing. But as perfect as the plan may seems, it did not worked out accordingly.

I started working in my current company a month ago. Although my working hours are shorter now, but somehow my body is constantly tired. YES! Constantly! And is not like I sleep at 3 a.m and wake up at 7 a.m.! Most of the time I sleep before 12 a.m. and wakes up around 7:30 a.m but my body is still tired. I tried setting my alarm to ring for 4-6 times from 5:30 a.m. till 7 a.m. and I still can't wake up until my sister wakes me up!

Honestly speaking, I hate myself for this. And when I'm not doing what I planned to do, I forget why I choose this job and I eventually lost my direction in life. And when that happens, I struggle with my own identity. >< Things got worst when I'm surrounded with younger people who are on fire for God and passionate for life. I looked at myself, I feel super useless and I become emo.  And I became like a zombie.

But I thank God for His plan. I think God knew this was coming and He prepared for me my sister, a book and a role model that helped me through. 

My sister reminded me why I choose this path.

The book that was on my table for weeks suddenly became appealing to me and the content speaks into my heart at the right timing.

And a role model that I admire. Who is living her dreams with bravery, courage and love. She inspires me.

I said this before, but now I add-on to it.

If man did not plan it, GOD did. And if man did plan it, it is God inspired.

So I thank God with all my heart and soul. But that's not enough. Because the one that should put in effort is me. No matter how badly God wants me to be successful and live out my dream and His destiny for me (which He does), I have to do something before anything can happen.

I got to stop watching meaningless shows with my sister. Stop wasting time watching useless youtube videos and playing iPhone games. Stop hitting snooze when I should get up and have my daily manna (the Word of God). Stop PROCRASTINATING!

And start taking time to read more, write more, draw more and spend more time with God.

But who am I fooling other than myself? I lost that fire to snatch back what the devil had stolen from me. I'm so used to the life right now, is just good enough for me already. My fear had come to past. I lost that fire, that passion and settled for good enough. 

I always thought being comfortable with good enough is scary. But now I realize that knowing where you want to go but too lazy to move is even more scarier! The harsh reality of life have taken over me.

The answer to why I've become like this hits me today. Because I want it now and I want it for myself. God in His almighty power can give it to me instantly, but this is not how He rolls. He is more interested in my character than what I want. And as fierce as He can be, He gently reminds me that "Is not about you."

So now, I shall push myself to do and enjoy what I love to do with the hope that it will be a blessing to someone. Even that person might be myself.

I don't want just slide through my life with a good enough career and a daily routine of cooking dinner or making fruit juice.

Because I want something more in life, a life that is more meaningful, a life that is a blessing to others and a life that is a testimony of God's loves and a reflection of God's glory.

I want MORE!

Love,

Constance

Have it short

Is the battle of my life AGAIN!

To keep it long or cut it short.

I only had long hair once and it was years ago.

During my secondary school days.

And when I join University, I decided to cut it short.

And since then, my hair gets shorter and shorter and shorter.

This is the evolution of my hair:: 

Now, I'm on the impossible mission of keeping my hair long AGAIN.

 

But the current length is a bit frustrating.

My hair curls up and it looks disgusting.

Not forgetting the constant need of picking up hair on the floor.

To be honest, I'm a bit frustrated and impatient about this.

*Believe it or not, I have to constantly sweep away my hair from the table while drawing this*

 

So I decided to cut my hair SHORT!

in the near future... hahahaha

Since I look good in BOTH long and short hair! XD

Love,

The constantly in battle Constance

 

Truth or lies

Talked to someone the other day and found out something that I never thought happened.

Is not the first time I heard about it, but I guessed I refused to believe what was told.

Does it affect me?
Yes. In a way it does.

Does it make a very big difference knowing the truth?
I don't know.

I've been thinking about it for a while already.

Although is not a bad thing, but is still a lie.

The thing that matters now is not about the lie anymore.
But how will I react towards it.

Honestly speaking, I'm pretty neutral about it.

At the end of the day. I spoke the truth, and they have to answer to God.

Period.

Screw your beautifully wrapped lies and hand me the ugly truth!

Truths are ugly because they are hidden. If they were never in the dark before, it won't be ugly at all. But more beautiful than the welly wrapped lies. #justsaying

Love,
Constance

The 13th floor lady

-Behold! This is a long and no picture post!-

My 3 days break before starting my new job ended up to be 3 super packed days. On Monday I went to see my doctor and went to Jogoya with Sandra they all. 

Then on Tuesday, I sent Kelvin Yii to the airport and had leader's meeting at night. I had a super duper good fellowship with Kelvin on the way to the airport and in the airport itself. Being a lawyer in training, this guy really can ask questions! But I ain't stupid as well. I ended up trading questions with him, for every question he asked, I can ask him a question too! Hahaha.

So we talked about different stuff, mostly related to church and also our believes. Talking to him really makes you think more and have a different perspective on things. Which I love it very much because it just feeds my mind. I think is important for us to share life together and also share our thoughts on our beliefs. Sometimes, we just assume that all of us see the scripture the same way. 

Please keep Kelvin in your prayers as he just went for a surgery and is now resting back home in Sarawak. From what I know, he is in pain right now and can't really rest. So do pray for a speedy recovery for him.

Wednesday is the highlight of my 3 days break. The original plan for the day was to see doctor in the morning, go and buy the things needed for retreat, have lunch with Keith, write a blog post before starting my new job and have dinner with Oyan. But it became the most epic day of my life.

So I went to see doctor as usual and he did his cracking thing as usual. But I was feeling under the weather already, I kept having the urge to vomit (which is pretty normal for me some times) and I felt that my body is very tired. So instead of going to buy stuff for retreat, I went back home and sleep. 

After I woke up, I vomited a few times and I felt better already. Because normally after clearing the "toxic" out of your body, everything will be fine. So I went on to have lunch with Keith. To cut the story short, I end up vomiting in his car. LOL. Thank God I vomited in the tissue box and did not stain his car. haha.

I was OK enough to drive back home myself. And when I think everything will be fine since I'm already at my condominium, everything went haywire. When the lift started to move up, my vision started to blur off and my mind was in "dream-land". I couldn't hear or see anything. A lady was in the lift with me, I think she was telling me that I missed my floor.

When the lift finally stop again at her floor, I looked at her and I collapsed right in-front of her! And she did not help me!!! >< I will forever remember this!

I then stood up with all my strength, pressed on my floor number and tried my best to stay awake. I walked out at my floor, walked towards my unit and open the door by sensing which is the correct key as I couldn't see anymore. Once I open the door, I collapsed again! I was so afraid that there will be some sort of bad guy come in and rob my house and harm me! ><

As I have strength to stand up again, I quickly lock the door and walked towards my room and sleep.

When I woke up hours later, I felt better but I had super high fever. So I did not go anywhere but stayed at home the entire day.

I still cannot understand why the 13th floor lady did not helped me when she see me collapsed in-front of her. Me and my sister came to this conclusion that maybe she thinks that I'm on drug or something. But I was wearing a polo tee and a knee length shorts! There's no way I look like I'm on drugs! But anyway, thank you lady! for not helping me! ><

Allow me to mumble awhile...

with tears...

Have you ever stumble upon a person and you just know it in your heart that you guys have something in common?

I came across her blog months ago and I have this weird feeling in my heart. Not knowing anything about her, I actually knew something about her (in my heart).

I read her blog ever since. I love the way she writes, I love the way she look, I love her courage, I love her story.

Like a little girl having a small crush on a little boy, I was determined to find out more. I scroll through her blog post and tracked down those she wrote in 2011. I think sooner or later I will finish reading all her posts. Yes, I'm extremely curious and crazy when it comes to things like this. Sometime I amazed myself too! The more I read the more addicted I am. That's how much I love reading about her life.

She gave me the courage to be different. She gave me a little more faith to believe is possible. She gave me a little bit more than I can ever asked for. Maybe in the eyes of others is a wrong kind of encouragement, but trust me when I say I need this. I have joy reading her story. Tears will always flow not from eyes but from my heart.

Thank you for your amazing blog. Thank you for sharing your life.Thank you for giving me the courage just to be ME.

A brand new season

Ello! If you have noticed, the link to MerakiZoe.blogspot.com will now redirect you to callmeconstance.blogspot.com . I hate doing this again, but I came to realize that the name Meraki Zoe is pretty hard to remember. Sometimes I myself also forget how to spell my own blog link. Therefore, I change again. And No, this time I will not promise that I will not change my link again because I want to have my own domain next time. So we shall wait and see. But if one day I do change again, I will redirect this blog to the new one so you won't miss out!Yeah!

I'm planning to change the layout of the blog, but is very time consuming. With what I have in my plate now is pretty impossible to get it done in the near future. So please bare with me for a little longer if you may.

I'm pretty much guilty for not updating my blog frequently since May. I actually read through all my blog post yesterday and I realize that things have changed drastically since last year. A lot had happened and still happening, but hey, is for the better, so I thank God for that!

Almost half of the year has passed by, and I'm anticipating a brand new season ahead. During this 2 months of MIA from my blog, a lot had changed, I changed.I shall dedicate one blog post to every "big event" that took place, but for now I'll just list them out first.

1. Further study
2. Myanmar Mission Trip
3. My Future
4. Digitize drawing
5. Preach It!

Ok, after listing them down, it feels like not much took place. ><

But then again, there are still many plans in mind. I yet to have the time to really sit down and plan about it. Pretty excited for the brand new season ahead! Can't wait!

Drafts e-mails

Saw that I have 81 drafts emails. I was curious, so I randomly open one and read. And it brings back memories.

My draft inbox is like my note book when I'm using other's people computer.

And during my internship period, is where I save something, MSN conversations.

I read back all that was said and heard. Things that was promised is broken now. Things that we had has faded.

I smiled, with tears rolling down from my eyes.

What more can I say? Other than, I'm sorry.

Maybe I never should have open the shell.

My dear Kon Kon

Wanted to write on something else. But minutes before I sit down and write, I decided to play with my beloved Kon Kon.

But one ugly truth hit me, I lost my charger for my Kon Kon. I search high and low, all over my room and I can't find it. My room is not very big, so is hard to miss it.

The last time I use Kon Kon was 1/1/2013. Yes! Was that long ago, and since then it had been sitting there collecting dust. And now, I can't even find the charger! ><

Me Mo ma Mu Ki ko ka

I think my problem now is speaking out. There is a lot of emotions buried inside of me that I can't find a way to let it all out. Somehow I'm not a good communicator. The way I say things lead people to misunderstanding and I've come to a point where I just keep quiet.

But keeping my mouth shut will not solve anything, it make things worst. Because misunderstanding arise and relationship is broken. Talked to one of my friend about this, she say I must speak out, must tell people how I feel, if not I will be the miserable one. I can see why she say this, but somehow I just couldn't find the courage to do what I'm suppose to do. ><

So I kept quiet, bury the feelings down and neglect it. Then slowly it surface again and I bury it again. The cycle will repeat itself until something big happen and then I will be totally shut down from that person. Oh my~ This sounds serious. I think I really need the courage to tell them, despite what might happen. But I'm scare!!!! ><

Oh~ forgive my dilemma... I just need to do some mumbling...

Relationship is a nasty thing

The phone rang. She knew in her heart that this will be a very long call, but she also knew if she let this call slip to voice mail it will be a disaster.

"Hello?" She say. She knew in her heart that she will not hear a hippy voice from the other side of the phone. It had disappear for more than 4 months already. Although she still have this glimpse of hope, she knew, deep down she knew it was impossible.

"hu... hu..." She can only hear the breathing from the other side of the phone. She knows, it must be a teary night again.

"Have you ever thought of looking for..." She was cut off before she could finish her sentence.

"I... love...too much... to go against.... will" Although she cannot hear the full sentence of the answer, she knew exactly what was said.

How she hoped to be there for her but yet it cannot be done. It couldn't be done.

She wonder to herself, how many calls had been made before her number was dialed. 1? 2? or 10? But no one can see the situation without any prejudice. No one really fit themselves into this dirty yucky shoes. They see it from the outside, make things complicated as if is not complicated enough.

After hours of listening and comforting, the tears finally stop.

"I want to sleep now." The same old calm voice that always ends the conversation.

"Ok. Sleep tight." She said and waited the phone be hanged up.

"Haih" She sighed, wondering when will the cycle repeat itself again.

Relationship is a nasty thing, it involves two parties but only need one to end it.

Then she died

A surgeon came and wanted to start an operation on the patient. He perform his first cut to open the wound. Then someone called him, and he went out to meet that person. The patient was still in the operating room, not knowing what was going on. But wait a minute, she's under anesthetic so she can't feel anything. Unaware of her surroundings, she float around in her dream land, thinking everything is going to be just fine.

The surgeon came back, cut the wound a little bit wider to have a better look at the cause of the pain. This time his iPad rang, it seems like it is an email. He took his glasses, sat beside the patient and begin replying. The patient's anesthetic is losing its effect. She can slowly feel the pain, she thought it was normal, thinking that the operation is over. But wait! It hasn't!

Unaware that the patient is feeling painful already, the doctor cut even deeper and blood started to flow out. Then again, his phone rang, he wiped his hands off and leave the room again, still assuming it wasn't hurtful to that girl and the anesthetic still has its effects. But the patient is wide awake now, fully aware of the situation. She's not healed, she got even worst and is not over yet. The worst thing is the pain is killing her. She try to cry out as loud as possible, no one cares, no one heard.

Maybe the surgeon heard, but he thought she was just trying to be funny.(reaction in her dreams? How is it possible?) so she keep bleeding, blood flowing out like no body's business. Tired of screaming and crying the girl gave up, sick of the pain, sick of the pain. And when the surgeon is back, is all to late. Her heart has already dry up and then she died.

I need internet connection!!!

Is been a few days already since my internet connection on my iPad was cut off because my cousin decided to change his phone plan. Anyway, in conclusion I can no longer online with my IPad unless there is a wifi connection nearby.

I thought it would not bring much difference but boy am I wrong!!!! I will never ever take advantage of internet connection anymore. Without internet connection 24/7 and wherever I go I cannot do a lot of things! I cannot tweet whenever I want, I cannot Instagram whatever that I want, I cannot check the latest news, I cannot use iMessage whenever I want, I cannot use Line and bug my sister whenever I want and the worst thing is I cannot blog whenever I want!!! >< Owh~ My dear 3G connection~ How much I miss you~

Even though school have wifi connection, but I do not stay in school all the time. Normally I will just go back to my hostel and  study.But without 3G connection did give me more free time. I start going to the park to exercise for one hour everyday. Well, at least I've been doing this since Monday. I do HOPE I can maintain this practice!  But seriously speaking, I really do enjoy this 1 hour of quiet time everyday!

On another note, I'm going back to Malaysia in 15 days time!!! yeah!! Super excited to go back to see my hongs family. I actually called my dad on his birthday to remind him I'm going back and ask for birthday pressie from him! hahaha~ such a *ahem* daughter! XD

I saw one of my friend posting a list of present that she hope to get for her birthday. I'm thinking should I do that too?? I actually have a list in my mind already!