Life is life.

 

I stood up from my seat and looked across to where my Head of Department and my senior stood.

I listened to their conversation as what they were discussing have a direct impact towards me.

 

At that moment, I felt like an outsider watching all these that were happening.

 

I never imagined my life will turn out the way it is right now.

 

It was a very strange feeling that I yet to find words to describe.

Is not that I don't like my work or life, I just couldn't believe this is it.

 

Whatever dreams that I've talked about in the past.

Whatever "plans" that I had.

Whatever fantasies I had for the future back then.

Is all NOW.

 

*I think I'm blabbering, but Imma continue.*

 

I remember very clearly that a long time ago I said something like this.

 

"Why do we need to study hard? I might just get married after University. No point studying hard."

 

Unbelievable isn't it? I too find it hard to believe I once said such words.

 

Then when I get a little older, I said this.

 

"My future plan is to graduate, find a job and make my way up the corporate ladder. Then when I have a baby, I will resign or just work from home."

 

I too find this a little unbelievable.

 

This should not be a surprise but whatever that I said previously did not happen.

 

I didn't get married after I graduate from U. 

Duh~ I don't even have a boyfriend. *roll eyes*

 

And I'm definitely not climbing any corporate ladder.

I'm not even working in the corporate world. ><

 

Life took turns that I didn't see it coming.

And I never had any real PLANS.

 

I'm not like those who always wanted to be a doctor or lawyer and end up being a doctor or lawyer.

I just live life as life goes on.

And I am grateful for that.

 

Because no matter where I went, what steps that I've taken, it all leads me to where I am now.

I won't lie. I have regrets. Lots of them.

But I too have experience and encounters that I will never exchange for something else.

 

What if I have stayed in that company a little longer?

What if I have started doing that 7 years ago?

What if I did not fall into that trap?

What if...?

What if...?

What if...?

 

There's a million and one "what if" for my past but all that doesn't matter now.

Because they make no difference, they have no impact in my life.

 

I am living NOW towards the FUTURE.

 

So do I have a plan for my future?

 

If by "plan" you mean enjoying whatever that I'm doing right now and see how things unfold WITH a goal in mind, then yes.

 

But if you mean a plan like what to do, steps by steps on how to achieve that particular goal, then...

NO.

 

I don't want it to become something I HAVE to do, but I WANT to do.

 

If I HAVE to, then it will be a task.

Is no longer a dream or a passion.

 

 Life is not a list of "tasks" to complete.

 

Life is life.

Full of changes.

Full of surprises.