Follow Me

It was Sunday again and my sister and I were late to service again.

We were so late that we were seated at the very back of the auditorium. 

Ushers walking, light shining, music playing and worshippers worshiping.

I have this annoying yet awesome habit.

As you all know, I read a lot.

And when I read something that convicts my heart, I’ll remember it, struggle with it and talk to God about it until it makes better sense to me.

That weekend, the theme in my mind was “desperate need for God”.

People go to church because they are desperate to have God in their life, not because is cool to attend church.

People go to church because they are desperate for an encounter with God, not because there’s a special event in church.

People go to church because they are desperate and there’s no other way but to seek God, not because it is “required” to attend church as a Christian.

Desperate need for God.

So as I was sitting there, looking at the huge screen and stage, enjoying the performance well planned by the church and looking at the people entertained by the performance and some of them busy snapping photos to update their instagram and Facebook to show that they are part of the coolest thing in town.

I asked God, how are we meeting the desperate need for You?

I asked God, how are we growing the church because more and more people realise that they need You?

I asked God, why is our church like this?
I was desperate to see a deeper hunger for God as a church, a desperate need for God that comes from a realisation that without Him we can’t do anything.

I was crying for change.

And then God said “ I Love them still.”

He said that, not in a way that they are wrong.

He said that, not in a way that He wants them to change.

He said that in a way that it doesn’t matter how I thought about the church, He love them still and because He love them, I should too.

And because He love them, I have no say in how they should be.

All because He love them.

xx

Fast forward to last weekend service with Pastor Jeff Lucas.

I only attended the Sunday service as I was away from Friday night and only got back on Saturday evening.

He shared an amazing sermon from John 21:1-23 with the sermon entitled “Better because of breakfast”.

In summary, he shared 4 points with us:-

Establishing priorities - faith or fish?

Resolving our regrets - sitting at the fire side.

Moving beyond pettiness - what is that to you? 

Giving God our now - receiving a prophetic newsflash 

It felt God was using Pastor Jeff to convicts my heart of the struggles I’ve been through lately.

When God planted this dream in my heart, it wasn’t a bright light shinning through my bedroom window while I kneel down praying.

It was just something in my heart that I wanted to do and after struggling for about a year, God had again and again and again invited me to so something about it with Him.

And I did.

But the thing is this, after stories and stories that I’ve heard from pastors, preachers and Christians around me, I thought God will come through for me. 

Maybe not immediately but within a period of time that I can handle. 

But He haven’t.

I think most of the stories that I heard missed out the part where they waited patiently for God.

I started to freakout, compare and ask God about other people’s blessings and even question Him about their achievements.

John 21: 21-22

When Peter saw him (John), he asked, “Lord, what about him?” Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.”

There’s a lot of dreams and vision that I believe is from God had not been coming through. A year had passed, 2 years had passed and in a blink of an eye it will be 3 years.

The same dream that I had, is coming through for other people but me.

Did I miss out anything or had God forgotten about me?

But the thing is this, whatever God wants it for another person and however God wants my church to be is really non of my business.

One thing remain, I must follow Him.

And as I freaked out on those petty things, the reality of life took it’s advantage and shove me with waves after waves of guilt, doubt and the need to strive and take control.

I was shaken and my priorities were in a mess.

It really feels like walking through water.

Easily shaken by the waves that keeps crushing in.

Constantly tired to fight through the waves.

But no matter how hard it is to walk through the water towards Jesus, I do not want to waiver.

Because even in this none fancy season of my life, I want to give it to Him.

I want to give my now to Jesus again and again and again until one day I return home and meet Him face to face.

I responded to the altar call.

Tears flowing through my eyes *thank God I did not had eyeliner on*.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” I said repeatedly.

“Is ok. Is ok. Is ok.” He said repeatedly.