Hope is desire. Faith is demonstration.

Finally finish reading another book!

The last time I completed a book was more than a month ago!!!

And I’m so proud that I actually completed 2 books this week!

I was in the middle of another book when I decided to also read this one too!

“Sun Stand Still” by Steven Furtick.

I tried to limit myself to 10, but I failed. ><

Discovering God’s vision for your life is one of the primary ways God teaches you about his character. Seizing his big purpose for your life is not just about figuring out what God wants from you and getting down to business It’s also about mining the depths of who you are in him. And out of that revelation, you will fulfill the purpose that he put you on earth to fulfill.

Accomplishing the impossible is all about seeing the invisible. ~ p.g. 26

No act of service is insignificant when done for the most significant purpose in the universe: proclaiming the gospel of Jesus Christ. ~ p.g. 53

It may be your job to cross over, but it’s God’s choice to see you through.

If you’ll do the believing, he’ll do the achieving. ~ p.g. 64

The goal of faith isn’t to take away your fears but to leverage those fears to create bold belief. ~ p.g. 66

But healthy confidence is born out of genuine humility. The two must work in tandem. Confidence without humility is arrogance. Humility without confidence is weakness. ~ p.g. 67

Perhaps true faith always feels this way. On the one hand, I know that God is able to do anything. On the other hand, I think he’s willing to do this specific thing. I know God can. And I’m pretty sure that he will. But I can’t be completely sure.

That’s where audacious faith comes in.

Audacity isn’t the absence of uncertainty and ambiguity.

Audacity is believing that God’s promise is bigger than my perhaps. ~ p.g. 69

Hearing from God is terrifying. If he wrote his will in the sky with fire, and airlifted you through the clouds to the completion of your assignment, obedience would be normal. But then faith wouldn’t be necessary, would it? ~ p.g. 70

It’s not wrong to fear. It is wrong to let that fear have the last word in your life. ~ p.g. 73

Instead, the scope and impact of your vision will be determined by who you believe God is- and whether you have the courage to respond accordingly. If you’re going to have a Page 23 vision and pray a Sun Stand Still prayers, you’ve got to have the right idea about who God is to you and what he wants to do through you. ~ p.g. 93

Faith has everything to do with you. And it has nothing to do with you.~ p.g. 95

Live a life that can be explained only by the existence of a God who is infinitely great. ~ p.g. 99

He is the infinitely powerful, but his intentions towards you are infinitely good. He is capable, but he is also compassionate. He not only has created a good plan for you, but he is also able to bring it to completion in your life. ~ p.g. 107

Prioritize the presence of God in your daily life. That’s where the power of belief takes hold and the process of true faith begins. ~ p.g. 110

God can’t make anything miraculous out of your mistake if you don’t call it what it is and deal with it accordingly. ~ p.g. 131

Instead, he told him to get up off the ground, stop crying about the past defeats, and obey God completely in the present moment. ~ p.g. 133

But we see from Revelation that repentance also means to get back to the top. Back to God’s perspective. His ways. His truth, His high calling and perfect plan for your life. ~ p.g. 134

Audacious faith doesn’t mean my prayers work every time. It means that God is working even when my prayer doesn’t seem to be working at all. ~ p.g. 148

If you’re going to have the audacity to ask God for something, you’d better be ready to act. Audacious prayer must be tethered to practical obedience. Or else it’s not faith. It’s just wishful thinking and positive mental energy. ~ p.g. 173

Audacious faith teaches us to push and pray. ~ p.g. 174

God takes pleasure when his children participate in his purpose. ~ p.g. 177

You do the natural. Trust God for the super. ~ p.g. 177

If all your prayers were answered the moment you prayed them, you’d start putting your faith in the power of your prayer instead of the power of Jesus. ~ p.g. 183

When what you see around you doesn’t match up with what God has spoken inside you, you’ve got to hold on to what you’ve heard. ~ p.g. 187

The stories of our Sun Stand Still prayers are ours to tell – but the story itself is always about Jesus. ~ p.g. 202

Constance with God #13: God, I'm sorry

"Next station, Kelana Jaya, Kelana Jaya... … Ding dong"
My memory of my past month is filled with the LRT stations announcement.

"Is this what You want me to do Lord? Is this the life I should be living?" I asked God.
But before He could answer or even speak to me, I've rushed to the next item on my to do list.

Yes, unintentionally I've removed "spending time and talking to God" from the top of my priority list.
The occasional "ya lor. I think I need to spend more time with God." Only appears in weekends conversation after weeping in the presence of God.
But yet I failed to do anything about it.

"I'm too busy." That's my standard answer.
"I will do something about it." But I never did.

The revelation of me missing God only sank in during class this morning.
"You have all these now, you don't need Me anymore."
Ouch! The pain of that sentence was so real I cannot ignore it.

Is that how God feels about me right now?
He felt that I don't need Him anymore?!
"No! I need You" I shouted in my heart.
Yet this "need" that I have is not evident in my life, not in this very moment.

My job is not tough.
I only need to attend training every single day and prepare for my exam.
I made a lot of friends, maybe some enemies too but it doesn't matter cause I enjoy what I’m doing.

I laugh at the slightest things. 
The arrogant looking boy smiled today cause he found someone to carpool with.
The lecturer who speaks in such a way that reminds me of Hold Zhu Jie.
The story of her boy friend my friend keep telling me about.
And the friends I have who laugh at and laugh with me.

I enjoy all that and by the time the clock hits 4:30pm, I'm on my way back home. 
Is not a very hard life, but somehow I’m constantly tired.
After my training everyday, I’ll sleep in the train, wait patiently for the bus, reach home, prepare dinner and bath, have dinner, study, fall asleep occasionally, study again then before I knew it is time for bed already.
Some days even passed by without me talking to my sister.

Wait a minute, where is God?
No where to be found.
Things had changed.
I no longer spend hours to read books or play ukulele on a daily basis.
The 20 minutes that I have to read every morning before I leave for work is like a rare gem to me.
To be alone in my room and just spend time with God is even rarer.

For the past 2 years, I've trained myself to be aware of God presence wherever I am.
Imagining Him standing and sitting next beside me in my cubicle doing my job is not that hard.
But to be aware of Him in the midst of everyone talking and chit chatting isn't easy. 
I've lost that touch. My special touch with God.

God once told me He loves it when I sing to Him.
But when was the last time I sang to Him?
I don't remember.

What then do I remember?
The person who didn't text me?
Or the conversation I had with a friend?
How about the conversations with God?
I don't remember.
No, wait a second. 
Is not that I don't remember. 
But it's been a while since I last had a intimate conversation with Him.

The thing I feared most came to past.
Neglecting God in the midst of all.
God was never distant, yet I distant myself from Him.
How to balance between a busy life and time with Him?
I only realize it now that it is easier said than done.

God, I’m sorry.

Excuse me?

Finally have a brief moment of silent in the midst of classes, exams and travelling to clear my mind.

I miss doodling, reading and writing.

I won’t deny, I wondered if is all worth it.

But I’ll leave that thought to another time.

After I dedicated my life to God 7 years ago, I’ve heard a lot of different statements from different people about Him.

“How many of you here (all follower of Christ) are sure that if you die today, you’ll go to heaven? (I wanted to lift up my hand) I know I’m not. (what?! O.o)”

“Healing is for the unbelievers. You never see Jesus heal any believers in the bible.” (What?! But I need God to heal my eyes!)

Statements like these make me confused.

Back than, I was a little baby in Christ thus I do not know whether what they said is theologically right or wrong.

But I remember wondering if this God I’ve believed is really as what they’ve describe.

Since young, my mama told me never believe blindly what people preach.

And I think because of that, I started asking God questions.

Questions like if the bible says “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” then why are we in such a hurry to correct people’s outward expression without dealing with their heart? Why are we only interested in whether a person is still acting in sin or not but not whether they are still sinning in their heart?

Questions like why God gave us feeling if we cannot live by our feelings?

I never once thought that we can’t question about the bible until my recent conversation with some people.

I guess the “no questions asked” memo did not reached me.

I once thought that as a Christian, I need to know it all.

If I didn’t, I’m not a good Christian and I’m a weaker or worse Christian compared to others.

I often felt a little intimidated and insecure.

I especially hated when people said things like “Why you don’t know?! you SOT graduate le!”

Now, I’ll just reply “So? Cannot don’t know de meh?”

Or I’ll just tell them I didn't pay attention in class. LOL

But as I know God, I think is ok not knowing everything about Him.

I mean God is so big! How can I know it all?

Am I greater than God? No!

Little confession here, there are times that I think that I’m better than others.

But the truth is I’m not.

If I think I know better, I’ve not known God.

That’s why I’ve learned to listen to other people perspective rather than stuff my believes down people’s throat.

And to my amazement, there’s so many people with very different believes and view!

I really find it interesting!

But I still got to admit that I can be a little proud sometimes. *sorry*

Urgh.. I digressed.

The thing is this, I really believe is OK to question God.

People often say Christianity is a relationship not a religion.

What sort of relationship will it be if we can’t even ask questions?

What sort of relationship if we can’t even be real to Him right?

So ask question, and keep asking.

I don’t always get the answers to my questions, but God will always bring me closer to Him. 

And since is a relationship, then we shouldn't expect it to be the same for everyone.

Even I as a finite being relate to different people differently, let alone our infinite God!

I don't expect Him to relate to me as He relates to others.

He speaks in a language that I understand, which might seems weird to others.

But that's ok, cause that's the way we relate to each other. :]

A bus driver's story

I wonder how many of us acted like that at some point of our lives.

I know am guilty of it as I have to take bus to work every single day.

I can’t help it but to feel a little impatient sometimes and wonder why the bus drivers just doesn't seem to care.

As mentioned earlier in my “what’s your story” post, we have to listen to the other side of the story before making any conclusion.

God gave me an opportunity to learn this again.

It was a very hot day and my training was ended later than expected.

When I arrived at the bus station, I missed 2 buses that could bring me back home.

So I waited faithfully while playing with my phone.

When I saw a bunch of people rushing to a bus like bee towards honey, I know that it was my lucky day.

I stood afar from the bus waiting for everyone to board it first.

You know, I got to act cool and not fight for it like anybody else.

By the time there were only 2 people queuing, the bus is already packed like a canned tuna fish.

Standing between 2 girls and a guy, I felt very uncomfortable.

It didn't help when the driver decided to MIA for a few minutes to buy drinks.

I thought to myself

“Is only 5 something, he can’t drink right? He can only Buka Puasa around 7! Hmmm… Weird.”

I got very irritated by the guy next to me because he kept moving around but I have no space to move.

I tried to use my brain power to make the driver drive faster but it didn't happen.

Then I over heard the conversation between the driver and another passenger.

“Some people they don’t understand. They think is ridiculous for us to rest for an hour sometimes. But they don't know that we can be caught in a jam and take up to 3 hours before we return back to the station. They should be more considerate. They only pay RM 1 for the ride and expect so much. If they really can’t wait, they should just take taxi and not complaint so much!”

I was shock and secretly feel ashamed of myself.

I was one of them!

To me, my schedule is the upmost important thing to follow.

I need to be home before 5, so that I can do this and that!

But wait a second, what makes my schedule more important than human rights?

What gives me the right to demand just because I gave RM 1 (actually I only pay 80 cents)?

Now I understand, he bought drinks because he already forces that he will be stuck in the jam until he Buka Puasa.

Never judge.

Never.

What's your story?

There’s this story that is stuck in my mind ever since I read it a few days ago.

It goes something like this.

Everyone was quiet and minding their own business in a train coach. Suddenly came in a father with his 2 children. The father found a sit and sat while his children were making a lot of noise and were disturbing the other passengers on board. Everyone was obviously annoyed by the kids but the father did nothing and just sat there. The passenger next to him couldn't take it anymore and talked to him. “Sir, don’t you think that your children are disturbing the other passengers?”. The father looked up and said something that blow my mind away. “Sorry, I didn't notice. Their mother just passed away an hour ago, I still don’t know how to react, I guess they are too.”

What I’ve learned is this, you will always think other people is in fault until you listened to their stories. 

Because we are all brought up in such a way that we pre judge others and make our own assumptions. 

If we’ve never heard the father’s reply, we will never know what they’ve been through and we will come to our own conclusion that they are inconsiderate people. 

But when we hear his part of the story, we are the one who are being inconsiderate.

Before my participation in #LoveKL project, I always had the assumption that those who sleep along the streets are those who are lazy and useless.

I have the presumption that they are their own reason that they have “failed” in life.

All these mindset came from years after years of what other had told me.

In their defends, I think their intention is good.

Maybe they just want to make sure I’ll be hardworking and not waste my life “like them”.

But the truth is, when I listened to their stories, is not what I thought it was.

These people, not all had failed in life.

Not all of them are lazy and useless and happily choose to stay homeless.

Imagine with me for a second.

Given a choice, would you want to live at the roadside with rats and cockroaches, worrying for your own safety and health day and night?

I’m pretty sure your answer will be no.

I can only imagine the mental torment and struggle each of them have to go through before they decide to stay homeless and sleep at the roadside.

You need more courage to sleep on the streets day after day than to go back home everyday.

So what’s make them put themselves in this position?

Have you ever wonder?

Is it really as what we’ve believe that all of them are lazy and useless?

Have you taken time to listen to their stories before making your own conclusion based on OTHER’s experience?

I wonder how often we’ve lived our life believing what we’ve believe just because we’ve brought up in such a way and culture.

I myself am guilty of this.

And I do not what to miss out the opportunity to listen to other’s story anymore.

I listen, not because I want “supporting documents” to support my own believes.

I listen, because I know everybody is unique in their experience and there’s no need to draw a general conclusion on personal issues.

And this applies to every other controversial personal issues as well.

When people do things differently from us, is very dangerous for us not to make any effort to understand.

We then conclude that they CHOOSE to be that way.

But have you ever asked yourself, did they?

Why would they?

What’s their story?

Don’t think that all stories are excuses, is their real life experience that even when you deny it, they can’t.

Speaking from my own experience, there are people who are not interested in your stories.

They just want to collect enough “data” to support their own beliefs.

They will ask question, twist your words and make you believe that what they believe is right.

This is so so so sad.

Because by doing this, we missed out the chance to know a person better and open our eyes to see things differently.

If everything in the world look the same, the world aren’t pretty anymore.

Embrace differences and include everyone in this journey we call life. :]

朋友

This was my birthday present to Lai Yee!

Did this with the intention to make her cry but she say she didn't. ><

The reason for this song is not only because of the lyrics.

But because we shared a very good memory with this song.

We went karaoke the other day and we sang this song to each other by ignoring the other two friends who were seated in between us.

That's why is so special! :]

True Story #1

This is one of the many problems of having small boobs.

Is either being misunderstood as a boy or this. ><