Constance with God # 10: everything is NOT going to be alright

The past week had been a turmoil to me.

Though I’ve decided to take up the new challenge and leave my comfort zone, I’m still pretty terrified with the decision I’ve made.

I know I know, God’s will is not about what, where and when cause all these are pretty much temporary compared to how, why and who. 

But nonetheless is till very scary to go into something new and start afresh.

And the worst part of this whole process is my freaking good memories that keep reminding why I decided to stay previously.

So I struggle, again and again.

Trying to convince myself that in everything that I do, my heart matters the most.

And is not like God walk into my bedroom and tell me that He wants me to do some other things.

So I guess this decision should be fine right?

But yeah, is still pretty scary.

So I asked God if everything going to be alright?

And you know what He said?!!!!

Normal human being would want “yes” for a question like this.

And I am a normal human being.

But God’s ways are always higher than mine and guess what? 

He said No.

To be exact, He said

No (everything is not going to be alright), but I’ll be with you.

*heart melted*

Argh God~

You say until like this already, what else can I say right?

But then, I’m still pretty freak out about the whole thing.

Mainly because there’s still many things need to settle and I’ve been dragging it.

The more time I let myself procrastinate, the more scary it seems.

But God is still good and He still speaks.

He told me 2 things.

1. The reason I’m so afraid is because I’m fearful of commitment.

Future is scary because no one knows what will happen.

With something tying me down, it feels like I’m losing a lot.

But I guess, only God knows what will happen and all things will eventually work out because whatever happens, I will have Him.

2. I need to learn to surrender things into His hands and just do what I can.

Life is complex because people are involved in the picture.

We cannot foresee what others will do and react, therefore it can be so scary sometimes.

But that’s the beauty of every relationship, is full of surprises.

Well, some are good surprises and others are just surprises that we wish to avoid.

Sometimes we just need to do what we need to do regardless of how other react to us.

Remember, always set goals which are within my own control and not depended on others.

Future, bring it on!