Constance with God #12: Relationship with God

“Is it based on the bible?”

“No. Is based on my relationship with God.”

“Is it based on the bible?”

“No. Is based on my relationship with God.”

“Is it based on the bible?”

“No. Is based on my relationship with God.”

“Is it based on the bible?”

“No. Is based on my relationship with God.”

She repeated her question, and I repeated my answers.

Is no surprise that she will question my beliefs.

Is not the first time I got doubts like hers.

That’s why I always joke and say mine is “ajaran sesat.”

The question I often got from people when I tell them God told me this and that is “how can you be sure?”

The truth is, I don’t.

But I choose to believe.

To me, that’s faith.

How sure am I that what I’ve heard is not “wrong?”

Well, I’m not sure either.

But I believe with my background in SOT, I have a fundamental understanding of the character of God.

Thus if something I heard is out of the character of God, I’ll think twice.

For example, if I heard a voice that ask me to kill myself, I think I’ll know that’s not from God but from my flesh or the liar.

But to be totally honest, there are times that what I’ve heard from God is different from what I’ve previously understood.

I have my struggles with it and I kept going back to God and ask Him questions about the things He had placed in my heart.

But God had brought me into this journey of changing my mindset and beliefs for the past 2 years.

Is a very challenging and interesting journey that I’m still in right now.

The challenging part as I mentioned is the struggle between old beliefs and new ones.

The interesting part is how God had confirm to me again and again that I am not crazy to have all these thoughts and He is doing something new.

I’ve never really shared my questions and convictions to anyone.

And I don’t search on the internet for answers, I always talk to God about it.

And you know what happened?

God started to also reveal the same thing to the people around me.

And these people started talking to me and showing me videos about the things God had previously reviewed to me.

And is through all these people, I know I am not crazy to have all these beliefs.

And it is indeed Him who reveals all these to me because there is no way I can figure out all these by myself.

A lot of my beliefs come from my relationship with God.

If you ask me to point to you which part of the bible tells me so, I can’t really tell you.

If you ask me to explain to you, I might not get it through you well either.

But the crazy thing is, there’s always some resources out there with those same beliefs supported by bible references and they explain it well to.

And God in His ways brought those resources to me and show it to me.

I think He is also trying to push me back to bible reading which I’ve neglected for a while.

Anyway, my point is this.

I’ll never sure if is God that I hear.

But is my step of faith to believe it is God.

And even it is not God, I believe God is merciful, graceful and powerful enough to bring me back to the right path.

I rather take the risk to be wrong than not having a relationship with God.

I believe the Bible is the revelation of who God is and is not a substitute for God Himself.

You can think that I’m crazy, maybe I am.

But I’ll risk being crazy for God. :]