God's plan changed

The other day my neighbor at work asked me this 

“What if a person said that God asked her to do A but she ended up doing B instead?”

I thought about it and I told her that is not our position to judge whether she should be doing A or B. 

Is also not our position to judge whether she is lying previously or she is not obeying God now.

I decided on something today and the story of Oyan’s friend encouraged me to take that step of faith.

But when I told her and she told me what her friend is doing right now, I was a bit taken away.

I asked myself, “what if that happens to me as well?”

Well, God being God is just so awesome!

He reminded me the story of Abraham.

Genesis 22:2

Then He said, “Take now your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the “land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you.

The story continues.

Genesis 22: 12-13

And He said, “Do not lay your hand on the lad, or do anything to him; for now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from Me.”

Then Abraham lifted his eyes and looked, and there behind him was a ram caught in a thicket by its horns. So Abraham went and took the ram, and offered it up for a burnt offering instead of his son.

God’s plan for Abraham “changed”.

I think if I were someone close to Abraham, I would think that this guy did not have the guts to do what God asked him to do and he sacrificed an animal instead.

But the reality is the opposite; he did exactly what God asked him to do.

And as he took the step of faith, God revealed His heart to Abraham.

Isn’t it a beautiful story?

Take my Thailand trip for example.

 At first I thought a lot of my friends are very supportive of my plan to Thailand, turned out they are just being “nice”. 

And when I had deeper conversation with them, I can tell they just think that I am naïve.

Some just think that I’m crazy, irrational and reckless.

Maybe I am. 

But I’m not.

Because my sole purpose is to do whatever He asked me to do.

It might turn out to be something different.

It might look like I'm wasting my time and money

But I know my God sees my heart and He knows my heart.

It wasn't meant to be about the end result;

but the journey that I am willing to take with God.

Younger brother, elder brother

Most of the time I share the good books that I read to Miss Oyan Lok.

But this time, she introduced me to a great book that I finished within a few weeks!

I think most Christian are familiar with the parable of the prodigal son shared by Jesus.
This book is mainly about that parable.

I've heard many preachers and seen many play played according to this parable.
But this is my first time to read something about it that amazes me!

OK. Enough of my bla beh bih bah.

The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller

Jesus is saying that both the irreligious and the religious are spiritually lost, both life-paths are dead ends, and that every thought the human race has had about hoe to connect to God has been wrong. ~pg. 13

Jesus's teaching consistently attracted the irreligious while offending the Bible-believing, religious people of his day. However, in the main, our churches today do not have this effect. The kind of outsiders Jesus attracted are not attracted to contemporary churches, even our most avant-garde ones. We tend to draw conservative, buttoned-down, moralistic people. The licentious and liberated or the broken and marginal avoid church. That can only mean one thing. If the preaching of our ministers and the practice of our parishioners do not have the same effect on people that Jesus had, then we must not be declaring the same message that Jesus did. If our churches aren't appealing to younger brothers, they must be more full of older brothers than we'd like to think.

~pg. 19

The elder brother is not losing the father's love in spite of his goodness. but because of it. It is not his sins that create the barrier between him and his father, it's the pride he has in his moral record; it's not his wrongdoing but his righteousness that is keeping him from sharing the feast of the father. ~pg. 41

You can avoid Jesus as Savior by keeping all the moral laws. If you do that, then you have "rights." God owes you answered prayers, and a good life, and a ticket to heaven when you die. You don't need a Savior who pardons you by free grace, for you are your own Savior. ~pg. 43-44

Because sin is not just breaking the rules, it is putting yourself in the place of God as Savior, Lord and Judge just as each son sought to displace the authority of the father in his own life ~pg. 50

What are the signs of this lack of assurance? We have already mentioned one sign: Every time something goes wrong in your life or a prayer goes unanswered, you wonder if it's because you aren't living right in this or that area. Another sign is the criticism from others doesn't hurt your feelings, it devastates you. This is because your sense of God's love is abstract and has little real power in your life, and you need the approval of others to bolster your sense of value. You will also feel irresolvable guilt. When you do something you know is wrong, your conscience torments you for a long time, even after you repent. Since you can't be sure you've repented deeply enough, you beat yourself up over what you did. ~ pg. 72

It's not repentance that causes the father's love, but rather the reverse. The father's lavish affection makes the son's expression of remorse far easier. ~pg. 83

Mercy and forgiveness must be free and unmerited to the wrongdoer. If the wrongdoer has to do something to merit it, then it isn't mercy, but forgiveness always comes at a cost to the one granting the forgiveness. ~pg. 94

When we see the beauty of what he has done for us, it attracts our hearts to him. We realize that the love, the greatness, the consolation, and the honor we have been seeking in other things is here. The beauty also eliminates our fear. If the Lord of the Universe loves us enough to experience this for us, what are we afraid of? To the degree we "see his beauty" we will be free from the fear and the neediness that creates either younger brothers or elder brothers. ~pg. 99

But if it is really true that I am a sinner saved by sheer grace - at God's infinite cost -  then there's nothing he cannot ask of me. ~pg. 136

---

This life that I have is given by Christ and the only way I know how to repay Him is to live this life for Him and Him alone.

Which market?

Few week ago I went to visit another church and this is what happened during their go and meet someone new 3 minutes.

 

She was super embarrassed and I just think is funny!
Do I look like a butcher?

I think I'm too pretty for that lar~ XD 

A date with God

I went to a date with God the other day and He spoke to me a lot of things!

I wrote all down on a piece of paper and I think the waitress at the restaurant thought that I’m evaluating them cause she keeps peeking at me. LOL

Reminder to self, bring notebook along!

Anyway, these are the things that God spoke to me.

If I keep categories talking to God and listening to God about others differently, I let fear in. It’s all from Him.

If I do not start my dream now, the possibility of it happening will always remain ZERO.

I cannot have that “If it happens then it’ll be great, if not then never mind attitude.” I got to have hunger for things to happen. It should be “I want it to happen!” There is no “what if it doesn’t happen”. When there is “what if”, I’m not trusting God. YES, I WANT! YES, YOU WILL!

If the angels in the book of revelation can keep praising God as they kept seeing something new and wonderful, how much more that I yet to discover about God. I will never get stuck at this stage. There’s always closer and deeper into the wonder of God.

Whatever happens, be contented and count my blessings.

Cannot say because I think the person will not change then I don’t get involve because don’t want to get hurt. Jesus serves Judas till the end even though He knew that Judas is not going to change. Check my intention.

Jesus gave me a vision of 2 guardian angels guarding me. So I asked Him, “God, where’s your guardian angels?” He said He don’t need.

Life goes on. No matter what happens, life will not be stuck by one matter. Life goes on.

I can ask God for whatever that I want but never in exchange of Him.

-

Gonna do this again soon!
Enjoyed every second of it!

Daddy God is my personal Hero!
XD

A little longer

A Little Longer

What can I do for You

What can I bring to You

What kind of song would

You like me to sing

'Cause I'll dance a dance for You

Pour out my love for You

What can I do for You beautiful King

'Cause I can't thank You enough

'Cause I can't thank You enough

What can I do for You

What can I bring to You

What kind of song would

You like me to sing

'Cause I'll dance a dance for You

Pour out my love for You

What can I do for You beautiful King

Then I hear You say

You don't have to do a thing

Simply be with me and

Let those things go

They can wait another minute

Wait this moment is too sweet

Please stay here with me

And love on Me a little longer

'Cause I'm in love with you

So I'll wait here at Your feet

It's where I want to be

Your voice I'll follow

Jesus You are everything to me

And I'll pour out my life

Worship at Your feet

Love on You a little longer

'Cause I'm in love with You

-

I found this song by chance and it caught my attention when I first heard it.

It sings out the cry of my heart and Daddy's voice in me.

Baa baa baa

Is one of those nights again where silence is appreciated and sleep became irrelevant.

Though I have embrace an “I don’t care” attitude, but sometimes I can’t shake the guilt feeling when others show disapproval of my characteristic and my attitude.

I try to flip through the good book in my mind and I asked myself if I’ve fooled myself in believing that is ok to be the way that I am.

No questions are directly answered. Because the good book is not a reference book to judge what is right or wrong. Rather, it is a book that reveals my Daddy God to me.

So what went wrong? I don’t know.

And I started to ask Daddy God.

Then He gave me an answer He always gave. 

Those that are out of your control, surrender it to me.

Come to think of it, that’s the basis of my “I don’t care” attitude. 

Because no point caring those things that are out of my control.

Then the more I talk to Daddy God, the more I feel like a sheep.

Yes, a sheep.

Sheep have no real sense of direction. That’s me.

Sheep are quite helpless against predators. That’s me.

Sheep left alone will actually eat themselves into a lost place. That’s me.

Sheep are week. That’s me.

Sheep get dirty easily. That’s me.

Sheep require more care than any other livestock. That’s me.

Sheep are timid and easily panicked. That’s me.

It says that sheep are also gregarious, social creatures that do better in number.

I don’t think this applies to me. Because most of the time, I LOVE to be left alone. 

Is easier! LOL. 

But thank God for Him, because He is always there for me.

He helps me to make sense of things that doesn’t make sense to me.

He helps me to see things in another perspective and comfort me at the same time.

Though sometimes I act like a clingy little brat in front of Him, He is perfectly fine with it.

That’s why I love Him so much.

He allows me to be true to myself and to Him.

I do not need to pretend or withhold myself from being ME to please Him.

Because He is pleased when I am real to Him.

I wonder why people feel offended instead when I’m just being real.

Oh well~~ Daddy God say because we are all human.

I’m a princess

I don’t know if is just me or others has the same dream as well.

When I was younger, I always day dream that someday some rich man will come and tell me that I’m actually his daughter and my parents just helped him to take care of me all these while. 

(Watched too much drama already!)

And from an ugly duckling, I will be a beautiful swan.

You might not believe me, but this actually happened to me.

The one that came to “claim” me is not any ordinary rich man. 

In fact he is a King. Not any ordinary king, but King of all kings.

And that makes me a princess.
(A Royal)

He gave (lend) me to my parents to take care of me and though I didn’t know, I’ve always been his princess and I’ve always belonged to Him.

Those insecurity and identity crisis of “who am I?” and “who do I belong to?” suddenly got answered by this single statement. I’m His princess.

I no longer need to settle down to anything lesser than the BEST because I’m His princess and I deserve the BEST.

I no longer need to earn my way up, because I’m His princess and He will take care of me.

I no longer need to worry about my finances and get all paranoid because I’m His princess and He is King of all and the earth belongs to Him.

I no longer need to strive for people’s approval, because I’m His princess and He is well pleased with me.

I no longer need to be afraid of losing, because I know I’m His princess and He valued me as precious and priceless.

I’m His princess. I belong to Him.

Being His princess, it means I have authority and possessions over the things that given to me.

Being His princess, it means that I have to help Him to bring His Kingdom down on earth.

Being His princess has a lot of responsibility as well.

But that doesn’t mean that if I failed in doing all that He will not love me.

Because I am first His daughter before I became His princess.

And His love never changes.

He love and accepts me as who I am.

I am His princess and He sees me precious and priceless.

Finally, I met him

To me, there’s no such thing as coincident.

Because when I really think about how easy it was for us to miss out each other, I’m convinced is a gift from God.

In my previous company, I had a senior who is very nice and gentlemen to me.

I like him very much. Not those attracted to him kind of like, but I just like him.

I left the company for 15 months already and I only met him once which is very long ago and I’ve wanted to meet him for a while.

I asked God for it and sometimes when I remember, I pray for him as well.

And few days ago, I met him!

It was the time of the month again and I decided to take the day off because I didn’t have any sleep the day before due to my cramps.

My appointment with my chiropractor was set 2 weeks ago, so I just went.

I felt in my heart that God wanted me to bring my doctor a book and so I did.

So while I was waiting for the lift, I flip through the book instead of looking at my phone.

When one of the lift opened up, I lift up my head and I saw him!

I was super excited and I wave at him with my book!

He was surprised to see me as well! :]

We didn’t talk very long.

But I managed to tell him my plans to Bangkok and the thought of changing my job.

He says if I want to go back to the company, why not! LOL

But I told him he might not want me because I’ll still be travelling a lot.

We didn’t talk any further because the other lift came already and he asked me to go in. XD

But he did ask me if I’ve changed my number, I told him no and asked him to call me.

I’m just so happy that I finally met him and able to catch up with him even though just for a short while and I’m the one that did most of the talking.

But my point is this. 

When I think how easy it was for me to not meet him, I’m convinced is God’s plan.

If I went up and arrive earlier in the clinic, he will be in one room and I’ll be in another. We will not meet.

If the other lift came earlier than his lift, I will be in the lift when his lift arrived. We will not meet.

If I came late and arrive to the lobby later, he might leave already when I just arrive at the lobby. We will not meet.

There’s really no such thing as coincidence, everything is God planned.

Oh! And this is my last week to have my appointment during weekdays. 

From the next appointment onwards it will be on weekends.

It definitely not coincidence! :]

Sea Creatures

Intention vs. expression

People often say do not judge a book from its cover. 

Some also say that do not judge others merely by what we see from the surface, because there might be a bigger ice beneath the sea that we can’t see yet.

I think all of these statements are true. But I think most of us only relate to these statements when the people we know is misunderstood or others had accused us for something we didn’t intend it to be. No?

I’m a strong believer that the same expression can have different intention.

This should come with no surprise, but I’m no saint. 

I too judged others according to what they do or say and I assumed their intention.

Boy! When I found out I was wrong, I was so embarrassed!

I was ashamed of myself that I only assumed the worst and ashamed of myself for getting angry and annoyed for nothing.

Do not judge from what others expressed to you. Find out their intention. 

Someone can give you a hug because they really want to love you.

But someone also can give you a hug so that they can stab you at your back.

Same expression, different intention.

I once was the “victim” of this as well. 

I admit that I can be rather weird sometimes.

The way I react to things can be a bit different than others.

I’m just queer the way I am.

Anyway, what happened was this. 

I reacted in such a way that caused other think that I’m being rude and proud.

That person even thought that I do not honor her.

But the truth was I was burning out and I was stressed out.

To be honest, I acted a bit like a crazy person when there’s no one around me.

But when there is, I expressed it through another way.

So in summary, I was misunderstood.

I do not blame her though, because from her past experience, maybe most people that gave her such expression had the same intention.

But little did she know I had the opposite.

Same expression, different intention.

I think what I’m trying to say is this. 

I’m learning not to jump into conclusion from the things that I observe.

I do not want to misunderstand the intention of others and just fix/solve their expression.

Everyone have their own stories and they deserve a chance to share. No?

Don’t over generalize things. Life is complex.

The Lost Message of Jesus

If your standard of being a good Christian is to read the bible EVERYDAY, then I’ve backslide to the end of the world because God knows when was the last time I read that Holy Book.

I’m not saying NOT to read the bible. 

Don’t get me wrong. And don’t twist my words. 

I’m just in a season where I’m absorbing from other sources.

I believe God can speak through anything and everything. 

If a person can be saved through a good view of sun rise or durian, why can’t God speak through good books right?

The latest book I’ve completed is “The Lost Message of Jesus” by Steve Chalke. 

I got to know the author through Shirley and he caught my attention. 

I did my usual stalking and googling and found out that he wrote a few books. 

I immediately checked the website of Canaan Land and thank God they have it! 

I drove over after work the same day and got the book!

Is mind blowing!

And here’s a glimpse of it! 

Be warned! Is gonna be long!

One of the most controversial aspects of Jesus’ message was that it moved all the fences. He redrew the boundaries of the Kingdom of God to include very definitely those who previously had been excluded. He blew away both the social and geographical limitations imposed by the pious Pharisees and other religious leaders as well as the hot-headed revolutionaries. According to him, God’s Kingdom knew nothing of the political, social or religious boundaries placed on it by these groups. Jesus’ radical blueprint for the Kingdom of God would mean the opportunity of a return from “exile” for all peoples who had become estranged from the creator God, whatever their spiritual, social, ethic or economic standing. Indeed, it would ultimately include the whole of creation. ~ pg. 30

God didn’t sit in heaven making a list of all the things he knows human beings like to do and then outlaw them all to spoil out fun. Rather he knows the pain and heartache that we will cause others and ourselves if we pursue agendas that are contrary to the way he made us to be. The Ten Commandments is a loving God saying, ‘Look, I am the God who loves you. I’m on your side. I got you out of slavery. I’m the best deal you’ve got going for you. Trust me. Don’t steal. Don’t lie. Don’t abandon me. Don’t commit adultery, because if you do it will unleash destructive powers that will slowly over shadow you, destroying you, your families and your society. Trust me. Don’t be stupid.’ ~ pg. 52-53

If God is love, then anger is a legitimate, indeed intrinsic expression of that love. But because God’s anger is born of pure love, it is never fickle or malicious – it is measured and shot through with mercy and compassion. For this reason he reserves it until all other hope is lost, until the door of reconciliation has been irreversibly shut in his face by those who have tested his love to the limit and stubbornly rejected it, throwing it back in his face and walking away. ~pg. 62

This event [the healing of the women with blood issue] was far more than a miracle; this was Jesus’ subversion of an entire worldview. After all, things weren’t suppose to happen this way. According to the doctrine of the Pharisees, the “power” flow should have gone the other way: Jesus should now be “unclean”. However, it was obvious to all that the complete opposite had taken place. ~ pg.89 

God accepts us as we are, without judgment or condemnation, and gradually, through his love and acceptance, draws us ever closer to understanding and living out his shalom in our live. In other worlds, acceptance precedes repentance – not the other way round. ~ pg. 99

Jesus’ greatest complaint against the temple officials wasn’t the bad exchange rate; it was that they had dared to put a price on forgiveness at all, when God had always intended it to be free. ~ pg. 107

We have developed a “them” and “us” culture with two distinct categories – saints and sinners, ins and outs, saved and unsaved. We have separated what we refer to as “evangelism” from “discipleship”. We have designated two different tasks for two different audiences and using two languages. And on that basis we have convinced ourselves that we need two messages – the first for the outs to get them in, and the other for the ins to make sure they stay there. ~ pg. 140

As far as Jesus was concerned, it wasn’t how close someone was to him at any given stage in their life that mattered as much as the direction in which they were travelling. ~ pg.142 

Rather, he [Jesus] came to show them [us] how to be human. He encouraged people to follow him, to become his disciple, to get re-connected to God and other people. Salvation isn’t about having the right labels; it’s about becoming truly and fully human. It’s about living the way God created us to live, in harmony with him, with each other and with the rest of creation. ~ pg. 153-154

Being Human

45 days from now, I'll be on a plane to Thailand.

36 days from now, I'll be on stage for our church year end production.

20 days from now, I'll get my pay check.

11 days from now, I'll be at home sleeping.

4 days from now, I'll be at church attending service.

48 hours from now, I'll be happy enjoying my Friday.

24 hours from now, I'll be practicing worship song.

12 hours from now, I'll be woken up by my sister and request for another 5 minutes.

5 hours from now, I'll be under my blanket and hugging my pillow.

3 hours from now, I'll finish drama practice.

2 hours from now, I'll be wondering when will practice ends.

1 hour from now, I'll be talking to friends and trying to remember all the steps.

30 minutes from now, I'll be on the road driving to practice.

15 minutes from now, I'll be waking up from the power nap I'm going to have.

5 minutes from now, I'll be sleeping with the lights on and my phone next to me.

1 minute from now, I'll finish typing this post and click on "Publish".

Sometimes I wonder, have time management make us less human.

We split our time in doing different things.

It does make us more efficient, but also cause us to forget to be simply human.

Are we meant to rush this and that and worry and plan for our future?

Or should we just enjoy present as it is God's present for us?

Abnormal

The other day when I went outing with my CG members, we were discussing where to go after our dinner.

One of them mentioned that he had been to almost ALL of the café around and knows where to find the yummiest cake around.

Another one was eagerly talking about the movies they’ve watch and also the number of escape room they’ve been to.

I think is pretty normal for young working adults to be into cafés, movies, gym, karaoke and escape room.

But not me.

If I were to choose, I would rather spend my day at home reading a good book, play my ukulele or watch a very old classic movie while doodling.

If I were to choose, I would rather go to the beach, sit at a corner and read a book, play my ukulele or just observe the people around me.

If I were to choose, I would rather go to any café, read a book, doodle something and observe people around me.

If I were to choose, I rather be alone and have my own quiet place.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t mix with people. Is just the matter of preferences. :]

Is that time again

Is that time of the month again!

If you’re thinking about that annoying and irritating bloody visitor, then you’re right.

But if you’re thinking about that thing that only girl’s have then you’re wrong.

I think this only happens regularly to me.

I’m talking about my job.

Yes. Yes. Is the same old story whether I should resign and get a new job or get a new job and resign.

Whichever it is, it doesn’t matter. 

Because either one also gives me the chill just thinking about it.

Why change? Why stay?

Well, let’s look at it one by one.

Why change?

- No/little career advancement.

- No/little skills to be learned.

- Financially not “rewarding”.

- Very boring routine job.

Why stay?

- Super nice colleagues and culture.

- Flexible in working hours.

- Lenient in leave applications. 

- Casual dress code.

Ok. I think my brain is numbed because I can’t think of anything else. 

But basically the perks of working in my current company are very good. 

But if you think on a “realistic” manner, it doesn’t really sound very good. 

Is like things like this shouldn’t be considered in a job, but if you have it you are lucky.

But to me these perks are really important. 

They allow me to pursue something that is close to my heart while earning a living. 

I talked to my HOD the other day and she said if I do decide to go away for a month for mission, I do not have to quit but just let them know early and they will arrange. 

And she also mentions that if I decided to take night class, arrangement can be made as well. 

But then again, I do struggle once in a while like this because I don’t feel fulfilling while completing the tasks given to me. 

And there are times that I stare at my computer screen thinking what am I doing pouring my life away like this.

And one more very important fact to consider is this. 

Though I haven’t decides to stay or to leave, I started to look around for jobs. 

And guess what? 

I browse through the employment website and I can’t find something or anything (base on my degree and experience) that interest me. 

Nothing at all!

So how? Macam mana?

I give up lar!

Surrender to God! 

He knows the best! 

Feel like I’m very irresponsible? 

Well, to you maybe. 

But to me, I know He knows best! :]

Ooops! Not my child

Me: So how long does it take before we can know the gender of the baby?

Cindy: 4 to 5 months.

Me: Oo! That means in 1 to 2 months time I will know the gender of the child lo!

Cindy: Err.. Yes.

Me: Oops! I mean you guys can know! Not my child! None of my business. *shy*

Cindy: [=.=]

This is exactly what happened the other day! When I found out my friend is pregnant I was super excited! They say the way I react is as if I'm the one got pregnant! LOL!

I even ask her to let me take care of her child!!! XD

Babies are just soooo cute!!!